Angry Dog Owner Flips On Guy For Harassment - Prank Call

Best quotes: 

• “I called the police too and they issued a warrant for Ginger’s arrest… because SHE STOLE TANK’S HEART!”
• “But Tank’s got blue balls!”
• “But Tank’s got blue balls!”
• “Can you just send me a couple shots of Ginger from the rear?”

Body of content:

I was informed that this woman was angry that she had caught her neighbor’s pit bull getting a little TOO close with her small dog. I called as Billy pretending to be the neighbor asking for the dogs to have another “friendly” playtime. She immediately flipped out and said the prank was harrassment!

Her husband was in on the prank, and even looped me in when she called him to complain about the “harassment”! She was absolutely FUMING! What was your favorite part of this prank? Let me know what you think in the comments!

 

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Transcript

[glass break sound]

Pranker [speaking to audience]: So, this lady Jessica works at City Hall and routes all of their incoming phone calls.

Pranker: She absolutely hates her neighbors, they're always louder to have a ton of guests over and frequently-

Pranker: leave a ton of trash laying around. Jessica recently had to aggressively separate her neighbor's pitbull named Tank-

Pranker: off of her small dog Ginger using the stick at a hose when she noticed Tank aggressively [censored] Ginger in her yard.

Pranker: I know, insane. She was livid about this and worried that her dog might be pregnant. I decided to call her at work-

Pranker: as one of the people who lives next door, to see if she might let Tank spend a bit more time with Ginger.

Pranker [speaking as Billy]: He got blue balls. I'll tell you what.

[phone ringing]

Lady: Good morning, [censored], City Hall.

Pranker [speaking as Billy]: Uh yeah, hi there! I- I was looking for Jessica, do you know what extension she's at?

Lady: Uh, that would be me?

Pranker: Uh, I don't know if you remember me or not, but this is Billy from uh, 922 West [censored].

Lady: I- don't.

Pranker: We're- we're neighbors!

Lady: Yeah?

Pranker: I- I was just calling in to see if uh Ginger might be available tonight for a play date?

Lady: Really?

Pranker: Uh, yeah I- honestly I think it be great if we can go ahead and just have her spend some time together something like that I-

Pranker: I don't know if you spend much time with- with Tank or not but he- been real- real sad and- kind of mopey lately, so I just thought-

Pranker: maybe, you know, uh, another time with a friendly dog might cheer him up a little bit.

Lady: I will file harassment charges on you.

Pranker: Oh- oh Lord, but wh- wha- why all that?

Lady: Because you're harassing me.

Pranker: Do you want me to file harassment charges on Tanks behalf on account of you, you know? You're- you're blocking them last time-

Pranker: just having time together?

Lady: I'll be calling the chief police and having somebody come over there.

Pranker: I h- wh- we're neighbors! And- you're being ridiculous!

Lady: And I don't care you're calling me at work and harassing me over a dog.

Pranker: [sighs] We- you're saying harassing- I asked for a playdate so, how the two go hand in hand, like it's apples and oranges!

Lady: I'm gonna hang up the phone now, I'm gonna get on the phone with PD (Police Department).

Pranker: Oh my God.

Lady: Have a nice day.

Pranker: Listen, you're- you're- you're being so-

Lady: [hang up]

Pranker: eh- ma- [explosion sound] [laughing] [speaking to audience]: Let me call Curtis real quick.

Pranker: Her husband Curtis requested this prank, so I quickly called him back so he could conference me in on the line when Jessica-

Pranker: inevitably calls him to let him know about the call she just got at work.

[phone ringing]

Lady: Hello?

Husband: What are you doing?

Lady: Well I just got a phone call here at work about oh, five minutes ago, from somebody claiming to be Billy from nine twenty two-

Lady: West [censored] wanted to know if Ginger wanted to come over and have a playdate.

Husband: Yeah, some dude came over here-

Lady: And he continues-

Husband: some old Hillbilly looking dude said he's Jeff's friend (Jeff is the main guy living next door), and wanted to know if he could-

Husband: let Tank come over here and play with Ginger like-

Lady: they farking called me at work, I'm calling the cops, I'm gonna report it as harassment.

Husband: what are the cops gonna do?

Lady: I don't know it's freaking ridiculous! Or was it you?

Husband: What?

Lady: Are you the one that called me?

Husband: No, I haven't spoke to you today.

Lady: They called me at WORK, it's harassment!

Husband: I wouldn't call the cops maybe if I see him up there I'll- I'll go talk to him and tell him not to call you, but, I'll tell him no-

Husband: that he can't- he can't bring the dog over here, that's farking stupid.

Lady: Whatever.

Husband: What exactly did they say to you?

Lady: A whole lot of crap.

Husband: Like what?

Lady: Imma get off here.

Husband: Okay. I'll call you later-

Lady: Bye.

Husband: if I see them.

Lady: [hang up].

Pranker [speaking to audience]: One week later, I called Jessica again at City Hall.

[phone ringing]

Lady: Good afternoon, [censored] City Hall.

Pranker: [explosion sound] Uh, hey there Jessica! How you doing today?

Lady: Good?

Pranker: Excellent! You know I- I know it's a new week now, so I wanted to see if, you know, you had a chance to cool down-

Pranker: and kind of maybe consider my proposition again, a- and I wanted to see if you know- possibly, you know-

Pranker: our dogs could go on a playdate?

Lady: [hang up].

Pranker: Uh- he- hello? [explosion sound][speaking to audience] Oh my God, she hung up, we gotta call her back and then have a-

Pranker: a farking City Hall related question. [phone ringing]

Lady: Good afternoon, [censored] City Hall.

Pranker: [explosion sound] Yeah hi- what are the current options to pay my electricity bill?

Lady: We do not accept payments for electric bills.

Pranker: Okay, and uh- the- just to circle back about the whole dog conversation, do you have a minute now?

Lady: Mmm, only if you give me your first and last name and your phone number.

Pranker: Uh yeah, it- it's Billy! It's Billy Dawkins and you know I- just eh- I- I- I'd love for them to get it chance, you know he's

Pranker: been moping around so much and just seems like he's heartbroken so I- I- I just would love for them to get a chance to spend a-

Pranker: little bit more time together go to the dog park, you know, go for a walk, I- I'll even take the myself if- if- if- if you're willing?

Lady: I'm pretty sure that maybe you're the one that wants to have a playdate with my dog.

Pranker: Uh no I- I mean you dog is real cute-

Lady: Uh huh.

Pranker: and all that.

Lady: Yeah, this is twice now in a week-

Pranker: Are you trying to say-

Lady: that you wanted my dog to come over play with you?

Pranker: well no-

Lady: It's a little disgusting, it's little disgusting.

Pranker: NO, well come on now, don't allude to-

Lady: This is two calls now-

Pranker: like nothing inappropriate now, because that- that's ridicu-

Lady: this is two calls NOW, it is harassment, you're lucky my husband wouldn't let me call the police department on you the last time you called me, but guess what?

Pranker: woah!

Lady: He's not here and I can do it this time.

Pranker: I called the police too, you know they- they issued a warrant for Gingers arrest! BECAUSE SHE STOLE TANK'S HEART, AND I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU THAT-

Pranker: you know just giving them a chance to just spend a little bit of time together like, you- you- you yanked them apart last time.

Lady: And, you know, I'm pretty sure this is none of your business.

Pranker: No, but like, you know I- I- I-

Lady: None of your concern.

Pranker: I'm his godfather.

Lady: I don't give a good God what you think you are! Other than a flipping idiot.

Pranker: H- okay, that's just disrespectful! Now, I've been nothing but nice to you.

Lady: You called me at WORK, that's DISRESPECTFUL-

Pranker: I know!

Lady: if you wanna talk disrespect-

Pranker: I know!

Lady: you be there about 1 o'clock when I get home for lunch.

Pranker: But- but- Tank's got blue balls!

Lady: You be over there at one o'clock when I get home for lunch.

Pranker: But he- he's in a lot of pain.

Lady: We'll talk DISRESPECT.

Pranker: Eh but- he's in a lot of pain right now boo boo, he got blue-

Lady: I don't give a good God damn! He's probably in pain because you all beat them every chance you get.

Pranker: Oh no, he has blue balls! You know, blue balls is, like he just he- he needs to release-

Lady: Pretty sure that's probably what you have because you're the one that wants MY DOG!

Pranker: oh no, no, I have a- oh my God, no, no, I have a wife, like, you know I, eh- I'm not-

Lady: Then why don't you go find your wife?

Pranker: because that's not gonna satisfy Tank's desires, that's disgusting, you know like I said-

Lady: Well, let her have them then.

Pranker: no, I'm just saying right, look, Ginger and Tank honestly I think-

Lady: I think you're flipping MENTAL, and I'm gonna hang up now, hey show up-

Pranker: Oh my God.

Lady: at nine twenty two [censored] at one o'clock, I'll talk-

Pranker: Listen okay, look-

Lady: to you then, okay?

Pranker: Tank's been touching-

Lady: Okay?

Pranker: himself all week, and he's probably thinking of Ginger and masturbation is a sin! So I- I just-

Pranker: I feel bad about that!

Lady: I honestly think I should fear for my dog's life! She's already been threatened once by you people.

Pranker: Oh my God, see! Now you're just playing the victim card, you know? Like uh, how about I just p-

Lady: UM, I'm pretty sure I am the victim as I'M the homeowner of 9 [censored] and there's nothing but a-

Lady: bunch of a**wipes that live next to me, thrashing the place out.

Pranker: Oh see, that's just disrespectful now why you gotta-

Lady: And letting their dogs run WILD. Uh huh.

Pranker: why you gotta talk about my cousin like that?

Lady: I am the victim.

Pranker: But look, I'll bring Tank over and Tank and Ginger can have lunch too, okay? I got one of these big doggie treats.

Lady: Tanks shows up-

Pranker: Maybe they can sh-

Lady: at my house, I'll have him arrested too!

Pranker: AH. I just-

Lady: Because guess what- there is a dog catcher in town.

Pranker: but like Tank's got a thing for brown dogs and- and you know- you got that small-

Lady: I don't give a good God what you think Tank has because I'm pretty sure you don't talk to Tank.

Pranker: ah- no- we talk.

Lady: I'm pretty sure he doesn't talk to you either, and if he does, you probably need to go to the psychiatric unit.

Pranker: I- I'm something of a dog whisperer okay? So- I- I- I'll- we'll talk to Ginger.

Lady: Okay, so, yeah, show up. Show up at 920 [censored], I'll talk to you-

Pranker: Got you.

Lady: then, good day! [hang up]

Pranker: Uh, hello? [explosion sound] [speaking to audience]: OH MY GOD, honestly I didn't think she was gonna go on-

Pranker: for that long but she's farking intrigued enough and annoyed enough to talk to me, which is amazing! [inhales]

Pranker: I called her back a little later on her home phone after she got there for lunch. [phone ringing]

Lady: Hello?

Pranker: [explosion sound] Eh, hey there Jessica, it's Billy again, how you doing?

Lady: Well I've been waiting on you to show up!

Pranker: Yeah I know, I know! Honestly I was- I was stepping right out the door, then my d- [exhales] then Tank took a huge crap on the ground-

Pranker: and then started smearing on the wall so I was just- I got Lysol wipes, so I'm trying to just take care of this real quick.

Pranker: Uh, how long you there for?

Lady: I'll be here a little while longer.

Pranker: Okay! H- well Tank just took a doggie Viagra so in case you change your mind, he'll be ready for uh- f- for Ginger.

Lady: You're farking disgusting.

Pranker: Ma'am-

Lady: Why don't you show the fark up now?

Pranker: ma'am, I tol- give me like 5 minute-

Lady: Stop farking you show up now!

Pranker: eh look- he- he has the worst case of blue balls-

Lady: Punk ass mouth- a**hole that can't be bothered to show up and talk to me to my face.

Pranker: eh ma'am- he has an enormous erection right now and I need him to be relieved. So I- hon-

Lady: Then take care of him!

Pranker: An- ex-

Lady: I'm pretty sure you're perfectly capable OF TAKING CARE OF IT!

Pranker: but- but- can you stop-

Lady: And it sound li-

Pranker: c**kbl-

Lady: you're pretty familiar with dog d**k.

Pranker: but you see, it's because you keep c**kblocking, you know what I mean? I'm just putting myself-

Pranker: in his- in his doggy shoes! You know? If it was me, and I had a nice punani some poontang-

Lady: What- concern is this of yours, you weren't there that day.

Pranker: I- I saw what all happened in front of my eyes, I was there. It ha- it all happened right in front of me.

Lady: Show up over here on [censored] street, we'll talk. [hang up].

Pranker: Ma- mah- [explosion sound] [speaking to audience]: Now I called her cell phone using her work number on-

Pranker: the caller ID, to make her think that I came to her office while she was home for lunch.

[phone ringing]

Lady: Hello?

Pranker: Eh, hey Jessica, where are you? I- I've been looking all over for you and they transferred me over here.

Lady: No they didn't.

Pranker: W- wai- what are you talking about?

Lady: [hang up].

Pranker: [explosion sound] [speaking to audience] SHE HUNG UP! OH MY GOD CALLING HER AGAIN!

[phone ringing]

Lady: Hello?

Pranker: [explosion sound] Eh, hey Jessica what happened? W- the phone keeps getting disconnected like I- I thought you were gonna be here.

Guy: City Hall?

Pranker: Eh, hello?

Lady: Gonna keep hanging up on you douchebag.

Pranker: Wa- no- no- come on like I- ah-

Lady: [hang up]

Pranker [speaking to audience]: Oh my God, she's like literally chewing on her lunch as we speak.

[phone ringing]

Lady: Hello?

Pranker: [explosion sound] Eh, Jessica, can I just get a few pictures of Ginger and call it a day? Honestly, and then, you know, we could just-

Pranker: go our separate ways uh, you k- we don't have to meet or nothing like that, I'll just give those to Tank and- and see if that's tickles his fancy.

Lady: Sure, give me your cell phone number.

Pranker: I- I gave it to you already, remember before I gave it to you?

Lady: The one that shows up as [censored] Medical on the caller ID?

Pranker: Uh that's the one!

Lady: Is that who you work for?

Pranker: Eh- eh- [mumbling] I mean-

Lady: Is that who you work for?

Pranker: Well I- I- yes. T- that's beside the point but yes I do.

Lady: I'll be calling your boss.

Pranker: WOAH WOAH WOAH, THERE'S NO NEED FOR THAT!

Lady: I'll be calling your boss. And I'm filling a police report against you.

Pranker: Oh my God.

Lady: For harassment. Because it is now considered harassment. So you tell me who the heck you are, you show up at my house?

Pranker: Can you just send me a couple shots of uh Ginger from the rear?

Lady: Nope. But you can come over and take them yourself.

Pranker: Oh, okay! Well that'd be- okay! Well I'm gonna go ahead and grab my- my DSLR Camera in the flash and then I'll be over there.

Pranker: How's the lighting in there?

Lady: Perfectly fine, come on over!

Pranker: Do y- do you think I need to bring any external lighting I can kind of lug one over there if we need like a nice, like backshot-

Pranker: off the wall or something like that, you know?

Lady: You may need a light when I KNOCK YOURS OUT but yeah, come over.

Pranker: WOAH! M- ma'am! You keep the- you keep making all these threats and saying all this outlandish stuff to me! Like do you see me saying-

Pranker: anything mean to you?

Lady: I'm pretty sure you probably belong in the Behavioural Health Unit of [censored] Medical, maybe we can get that arranged for you.

Pranker: Oh my God, are you- are you calling me a retard?

Lady: YES! I AM! I can't believe it's taken you this long to FIGURE IT OUT dumba**.

Pranker: An tha- that's extremely- w- ah. That's extremely insensitive, I hope you know that R word is no longer acceptable these days. So, you know, I hope you-

Pranker: just, you know, you simmer on that.

Lady: COME OVER, COME OVER and I'll apologize. Come on and I will apologize to your face.

Pranker: Okay.

Lady: For using the R word on- a very retarded idiot.

Pranker: Ah. Well y- you just did it again now, I feel like you're not being sincere.

Lady: Okay, I'll apologize for that too, but you gotta show up in the next 10 minutes.

Pranker: Okay. Okay! Perfect, in the mean time, can you just pop a nice little cute outfit on Ginger like maybe, like something pink like a little tutu-

Pranker: something like that maybe like one of them little doggie towels a- anything you can just cause, we don't have-

Lady: NO.

Pranker: But why not? J- just uh-

Lady: Okay fine- I got a little tutu I'll put on her.

Pranker: okay! Thank God, just th- th- think of Ginger for a change, you know what I'm saying? Like I- just eh- and all the pleasure she'll be getting, you know what I mean?

Pranker: Like, [inhales] y- you know- you know why they call him Tank, right?

Pranker: B- be- because this d**k was made for combat!

Lady: You are pretty familiar with that one aren't you?

Pranker: Well I'm just saying, like I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm trying to like let you know-

Lady: You're pretty familiar with that dog's d**k! [giggles]

Pranker: Well, no, no, no, I'm- I'm only familiar with why he was named Tank.

Lady: Is that so? I'm pretty sure you're familiar with it why don't you show up in the next 10 minutes and we'll- we'll talk about pictures?

Pranker: Alrighty now! So, Jessica, I'm gonna have you you know just waiting on me and- and- and I- I gotta tell you one last thing before you get back to work-

Pranker: because I'm standing right here right by your desk. Are- are you sitting down?

Lady: Mhm.

Pranker: Th- this whole thing, you know, y- you're right I- I never did see Tank and- and Ginger having- doing sex, I know I never saw that. But I heard all about it, you know how?

Lady: Hmm?

Pranker: Your husband Curtis [explosion sound] [speaking as Russell] set you up for this prank, but none of it's actually real and yeah, I'm not the actual dog owner.

Pranker: My name is Russell, I'm a voice actor.

Lady: THAT explains why he listens to that crap on YouTube all the time.

Pranker: [laughing]