Hilarious Chinese Take-Out Prank Call - Ownage Pranks

Best quotes: 

• “GUESS WHO'S BACK, BACK AGAIN. BUK LAU'S BACK, TELL YOUR FRIEND”
• “I asian, you asian, right? We have to stick together”
• “Section fourteen majoogily tango”
• “I don’t want to put my noodle inside your eggroll basket”

Body of content:

I prank called a Chinese take out restaurant as Buk Lau to mess with their grumpy employees and try to get a ridiculously steep discount on my order. The lady who I spoke with was so irritated by Buk Lau’s discount requests that I could barely keep her on the phone - she hung up on me so many times!

To pull her back into the prank, I had to bring in Tyrone and Russell for some help. I pretended to be a representative from GrubHub calling to figure out why Buk Lau had such a bad customer service experience. She immediately changed her tone and was suddenly patient, even agreeing to speak with Buk Lau again!

The Chinese take out pranks are always audience favorites! Do you know of a good take out place with terrible service that’d be perfect for a prank call? Should I call this place back and see if this grumpy lady is still there? Tell me in the comments below!

 

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Transcript

 [Phone ringing]

Lady: [Censored] can I help you?

Pranker [speaking as Buk Lau]: GUESS WHO'S BACK, BACK AGAIN BUK-LAU'S BACK TELL YOUR FRIEND, how are you doing today?

Lady: Can I help you?

Pranker: BUK LAU'S BACK, I'M BACK-, I AM BACK, hello?

 [Phone ringing]

Lady: [Censored] can I help you?

Pranker: Uh, duh hello, can I make the order today for the pick up please?

Lady: Go ahead please.

Pranker: Okay, and what do you have today for the very delicious one?

Lady: We have a lot entree, I can help you when  you come in 

Pranker: I know, I-, I want to-, I want to make the order now so I can so I can come in to the pick up! You know?

Lady: Yeah, I know, but we have like a HUNDRED of HUNDRED entree so-

Pranker: Okay.

Lady: it hard to know that you wanted-

Pranker: Let's-

Lady: you don't know what you want 

Pranker: Let's-, let's-, let's start from the ground up, you know? Okay, what is the first one you have it?

Lady: We have only stuff from Chop Suey, what kind of Chop Suey, you want some Chop Suey or no?

Pranker: Okay, but-, everything is the same, right? Just a different sauce.

Lady: NO, everything is different-

Pranker: Okay 

Lady: that's why you need to come in and I could help you 

Pranker: Okay and-

Lady: because, over the phone I can not help you-

Pranker: You-, you can do it! 

Lady: because you don't know what you want, so it's hard-

Pranker: you can-, okay-

Lady: to help you-

Pranker: Look-, look-, you are being the lazy one, don't be the lazy one, okay? Just tell me okay, what kind-

Pranker: of chicken do you have it?

Lady: WELL-, UH-, THE CHOP SUEY, uh, mixed vegetables, mongora chicken, we have a LOT of chicken.

Pranker: Okay, you have a lot of chicken

Lady: YEAH.

Pranker: Okay-, okay-, okay, do you have any-

Lady: But you come in and I could help you, uh, I'm just being, uh, being nice to help you when you come in

Pranker: Okay, I'll have the one order of-

Lady: Come in, I help you.

Pranker: the beef and broccoli please, one order of that

Lady: I could help you when come in, thank you.

Pranker: I-, I-, I-, I making order right-, hello? [Speaking to audience] OH MY GOD! She hang up on me! 

Pranker [Speaking as Russell]: [Speaking to audience] Definitely calling her back [laughs]

 [Phone ringing]

Lady: [Censored]

Pranker [speaking as Buk Lau]: W-, w-, why do you hang up one me?!

Lady: Can I help you? 

Pranker: Yeah, yeah, do you hang up on me just now?! I talk to somebody asking them for the help with the menu, right?

Pranker: Then I want to make the order and you hang up on my face.

Lady: You need menu, you can go online-

Pranker: Okay, let me have the one order of the uh, beef and broccoli, you dumb motherfarka, and then I will continue please

Lady: LARGE beef broccoli?

Pranker: Duh right, you stupid motherfarka, and then I have one orange chicken you dumb piece of crap 

Lady: Okay, so a large orange-, orange chicken? 

Pranker: I want to do a-, a large orange chicken and a two eggroll.

Lady: Anything else sir?

Pranker: That's-, that's it. 

Lady: That's a total of $19.70.

Pranker: Okay, how about-, can-, let-, let-, can we call it ten dollar even?

Lady: No, we can't do that. If you don't want to purchase, that's fine.

Pranker: No I know, but I want to try the new place, you know? I want you to-, to win my [mumbling], so I wondering if you can do-

Pranker: like a small discount at first-

Lady: No, we can't do that, so you could call someone else, you know, form the 1970's-

Pranker: No, but-

Lady: so you call someone else 

Pranker: but do you have like-

Lady: We don't negotiate price here 

Pranker: Can you, calm down?

Pranker: This is not bargain place 

Pranker: You-, you hang up on me, number one-

Lady: Thank you, bye bye 

Pranker: MOTHERFARKING YOU, you take a long time to hang up, right? You're very excited! CRAP!

Pranker [speaking as Russell]: [Laughing] yeah, I'm going to call again.

 [Phone ringing]

Lady: [Censored] help you?

Pranker: Duh yeah, I believe the phone got disconnect duh, what time will food be ready? 

Lady: No, I'm sorry, we don't bargain here-

Pranker: Okay-

Lady: just 15 dollar we don't purchase-

Pranker: what-, what is the low-

Lady: this is not 15 dollars 

Pranker: what is the lowest-

Lady: $19.70 is your total, if you don't want to purchase that, that's fine.

Pranker: Okay, what is your name? 

Lady: It is up to you, okay?

Pranker: No-

Lady: We discount everybody, we're not making any-, any money-

Pranker: That's a-

Lady: but you can come pick it up or not-

Pranker: BIG BOY-

Lady: that's fine, up to you 

Pranker: LISTEN TO ME! What is your name? 

Lady: My name is "my name"-

Pranker: your-

Lady: I'll see you then. Bye bye

Pranker: WHAT?! Your name is-, are you a retard one or something? Hello? 

Pranker: [Laughing] "My name is "my name"", [laughing], [speaking as Russell]: It's so funny even-

Pranker: get caught on board asking for their names, like should I tell them?

 [Phone ringing]

Lady: [Censored] Can I help you?

Pranker [speaking as Tyrone]: Uh yeah, may I make the order, for carry-out, please? 

Lady: Sure! Can I take your order?

Pranker: Uh, let me get a one LARGE orange chicken 

Lady: One LARGE orange chicken, okay.

Pranker: Let me get a order of crab rangoon 

Lady: Mhm? Anything else, sir?

Pranker: Uh, no, I think that's okay.

Lady: That's $17.29

Pranker: My wife wanted to pay for it and she's not going to be with me, is she cool-, is it cool-

Pranker: if she pays over the telephone? With a credit card number?

Lady: Uh, yeah that's fine. 

Pranker: Let me get her right quick then, one second.

Pranker: [Phone fumble] [speaking as Buk Lau] Okay, w-, what  is the total price?

Lady: $17.29 

Pranker: Okay, okay. Can-, can we just do ten dollar?

Lady: No, we can't. 

Pranker: Okay, eleven?

Lady: No, we can't. It's $17.29, sir.

Pranker: TWELVE DOLLAR, fifty cents 

Lady: No, I'm sorry. Are you the same person who called earlier? Negotiating about price?

Pranker: Duh no, this is my first time.

Lady: Uh, sorry we can not negotiate a price, you could either take it or leave it, uh, $17.29-

Pranker: But I-, I-, I-

Lady: it's doing to take less than 20 minutes.

Pranker: I-, I want to take it! You know? I want to take it! But I want to know, can-, can you do, uh, like a fif-, like a fourteen dollar?

Lady: No.

Pranker: Ok? 

Lady: Sir, you have to pay the full price $17.29 sir.

Pranker: Ok-, ok, look I tell-, what is your name, sorry?

Lady: My name is "You"

Pranker: WHAT?! 

Lady: "You".

Pranker: How do you spell it? 

Lady: "You" AY-YOU, "You".

Pranker: "Ayy you", y-, y-, you sound like you take ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, second to think about FABRIMICATED NAME! Is it your real name?!

Lady: My name is Au, "A-U"

Pranker: So, on your nametag, right now, you look down it, say: "A-U"?

Lady: Yeah. That's Au, "A-U". That's a Chinese name.

Pranker: Oh, I like that! My name is a Buk Lau, I am a Chinese too! You speak a Mandarin?

Lady: I speak Cantonese.

Pranker: LAM YE MO YE?!

Lady: You speak Cantonese? So, it's $17.29 sir. You could come in and pick it up if you want. 

Pranker: [Speaking indistinguishable language] correct?

Lady: I don't-, I'm not understanding you sir 

Pranker: Okay, look, how about this, okay? I give-, you-, you charge me like a ten dollar right? But then I come inside and I give you a tip.

Pranker: What do you think?

Lady: It's not that sir, it seems like you trying to negotiate price, we don't do negotiating price in this restaurant.

Pranker: E-, everybody do it, okay? I do it all the time.

Lady: I know, that's all restaurant, but we don't do that, so

Pranker: That's-, that's why the restaurant has a crap rating, right? Because you guys don't know how to do a business, right? You have to have a small-

Lady: Yeah, if everyone negotiating price, we're not making any money sir. 

Pranker: You make a money! You make a money but not-, I Asian, you Asian-

Lady: Uh sir, uh, if you want to order, come in and I'll place it for you, just come in, okay?

Pranker: I Asian-, I Asian, you Asian, right? We have to stick together, right?

Lady: I know but-

Pranker: We have to-, we have to back each other, right? We have to back each other!

Lady: I'm-, I'm sorry sir-

Pranker: We have to-

Lady: you could try a new restaurant, but we don't do that.

Pranker: No-, no-, no-, no-, no-, no-, no-, no-, WE HAVE TO BACK EACH OTHER, RIGHT?! 

Lady: Uh, I'm sorry-

Pranker: Say-, say it with me! Say it with me-

Lady: we-, we don't do that

Pranker: JUST SAY WITH ME OKAY? SAY WE BACK EACH OTHER! Right? Say it!

Lady: No, we don't do that sir-

Pranker: Just one more time, don't be a-, just say it.

Lady: oh, thank you for calling though-

Pranker: Ah!

Lady: for your service, thank you. Bye bye.

Pranker: Okay, I call you in a two minute-

Lady: [Hang up]

Pranker: Hello? [Laughing] [mumbling] [laughing]

 [Phone ringing] 

Lady: [Censored] help you?

Pranker [speaking as Russell]: Yeah hi, my name is Russell Johnson, I'm calling with Grub Hub.

Pranker: We provide online ordering services for your restaurant location. Uh, who am I speaking with?

Lady: This is Julie, can I help you?

Pranker: Uh, hi Julie. I actually have a little bit of a situation going on here, b-, based on our-

Pranker: contractual agreement Section VII, Alpha Tango, we may occasionally shop, your store-

Pranker: location to help inspect your daily store interactions, monitor frontline employee phone-

Pranker: effectiveness and occasionally check competitors pricings, and sales strategies, uh a-

Pranker: and we noted-, we-, we had one of our representatives actually give you a call t-, to make-

Pranker: a test order, I'm not exactly sure who they were speaking with. But there was-, there was-

Pranker: some type of issues going on where-, where an employee refuse to-, to kind of tell the-, the-

Pranker: individual what was on the menu, h-, he repeatedly asked, w-, what he could order, some-

Pranker: some recommendations, for what may be a popular item there, and the employee at the-

Lady: Mhm. 

Pranker: at the store refused to actually give any of that information up, and ultimately hung up-

Pranker: on the customer.

Lady: Uh, actually, they, place orders, and they making, compare prices, to try and reduce prices-

Lady: from $19.70 do-, $19.70 cents to, uh, 5 dollar or 10 dollars purchase, which we don't do that.

Pranker: W-, was it actually you on, the telephone ma'am?

Lady: Yes I am, was on the phone.

Pranker: See-, we actually have-, have the phone call documented, see basically I- it's a "Secret Shopper"-

Pranker: are you familiar with-, what a "Secret Shopper" is? 

Lady: Mhm, yes I do. 

Pranker: Occasionally someone will come in who works for the company and kind of just make a test order-

Pranker: kind of to see how the employees interact et cetera et cetera-

Lady: Mhm.

Pranker: And uh-, he-, he was-, he was informed that he was speaking to a miss "Au"?! D-, did you tell the-

Lady: Yeah

Pranker: Did you tell the customer that-, is there any reason why you refused to tell the customer, your actual name, Julie?

Lady: Uh, what happened is the customer seemed to be playing phone call here, and they asking about stuff-

Lady: about orders that's not in there and then they asking about they give me-, they cursing me about-

Lady: they cursing me on the phone, I don't see-, I think that's a prank call 

Pranker: B-, b-, but we-, we were-

Lady: Oh, please.

Pranker: being told that you were very hostile f-, from the beginning, it seemed that you didn't want to tell them-, you know even-

Pranker: er-, is there any reason why you didn't want to explain what was on the menu, or try to help, you know, help them decide what to order?

Lady: I help him with the different-, I say: "What kind you looking for?" even they said: "Uh, what's most popular here?"

Lady: I said: "Sweet and sour Chicken, Orange chicken? 

Pranker: But ma'am a-, a-, are you-

Lady: And then he said-

Pranker: familiar-, are you familiar with what our slogan is? Our company slogan here at Grub Hub?

Lady: Uh, no. What's the slogan? 

Pranker: It's-, it's-, it's 'Happy Eating', HAPPY EATING.

Lady: Mhm.

Pranker: Uhm, and-, and relative to what actually happened with the other customer it's more along the lines of, I don't know crappy eating-

Pranker: You know what I mean? 

Lady: Mhm.

Pranker: Do you understand that based on section XIV Majoogily Tango, it says that: "In the event of an unsatisfactory shopping experience-

Pranker: we reserve the right to immediately suspended service, and withhold all payments until further notice." Were you aware of this ma'am?

Lady: You for-, for testing-, duh, your shopper, that's the reason why you-, stopping the service? 

Pranker: LIKE A SOMEBODY, yes ma'am. You understand what I'm saying? 

Lady: I understand.

Pranker: If I had this customer give you-, if I speak with him and have him, give you a call back, are you willing to apologize to the individual?

Lady: Yes. Is uh-, what's your name and your phone number from there?

Pranker: My name is Russell Johnson. I can go ahead and get the shopper connected on the line here right now, and then if you can go ahead and just-

Pranker: try to accommodate, give him-, give him a very simple apology just say you-, you misunderstood, and then, we can go ahead-

Lady: Mhm

Pranker: and then, we can go ahead, and-, and try to add that to the file and hopefully get this sorted in the next 1-2 days.

Lady: Okay, thank you so much.

Pranker: Please hold while your call is being connected 

 [Sounds on hold] 

Pranker [speaking as Buk Lau]: Duh hello. 

Lady: Hi! I'm sorry, I apologize. [button sound] uh, what happened is-, I thought you were the prank call guy, who calls everyday, because we have a lot-

Lady: prank call calling us.

Pranker: B-, but-

Lady: Thought you the prank call, because-, I have ten phone call from same guy calling us all the time. The-, the guy who call me, have similar voice like yours-

Lady: and he's, uh-, also acts-, uh-, like ask question like-

Pranker: Okay.

Lady: what's on menu and he-

Pranker: Si. 

Lady: he make up a-, a menu's not on there, so I thought you-, you-

Pranker: Oh

Lady: the same customer-

Pranker: But oh-

Lady: so I really apologize for that.

Pranker: Oh-, is-, you know, it-, it might be somebody using the soundboard on the BUKLAU.com, right? BUKLAU.com, you know it? 

Lady: Mhm. 

Pranker: Ok, alright! Do you-, do you really mean

Lady: I'm so sorry about that sir.

Pranker: Ok, but do you really mean it?! 

Lady: Yeah, I'm really sorry about that.

Pranker: Okay, if you-, of you are very sorry for me, tell me-, Buk Lau, I love you and I am very sorry, you are the very amazing person.

Lady: Yeah, I'm really sorry about that sir. 

Pranker: Okay.

Lady: I really apologize.

Pranker: B-, b-, but say: "Buk Lau, I love you, you are the very amazing person!"

Lady: Oh, of course you are amazing person, I know you are. 

Pranker: B-, ok-, but do you love me? I-, I-, I love you, you know? 

Lady: I-, I can't say love word.

Pranker: YOU CAN DO IT!

Lady: I know you'll say if I love-, I can't even say to-, love to my parents. I-, I can't say it.

Pranker: W-, W-, WHY NOT?! W-, what is wrong? Is your-, your parent, you know?! They-, they give birth to you, right? They BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM-

Pranker: in the hospital, and you can't say: "I love you"?

Lady: I know, but, it's just-, h-, is hard for me say that word. So.

Pranker: Okay, I will-, I will-

Lady: Thank you though

Pranker: Okay, look, I will earn it okay? How about me and you, we go on a date? After that you can say: "Buk Lau, I love you" So, you can love me, you know?

Lady: Mm, no, temporarily right now, I-, I'm not interesting in dating anyone right now, so, thank you for-, I-, I like you a lot! 

Pranker: No, we can be-, we can be friend, right? We don't have to do the sexy or anything, right? I want-, I don't want you to-

Lady: I know, I-, I-, I like you but, you know, love is too strong of the word so.

Pranker: I-, I don't want to put my noodle inside your-, your eggroll basket, uh, you know?

Pranker: I don't want to do that, I just want to-, I want to, just be friend, you know, see what you are like, and then, you love me.

Lady: No, I'm sorry sir-

Pranker: But-

Lady: Yeah, when you come in here, I could give-, I could give you, I give you 15% on your-, your-, your order, okay sir?  

Pranker: so you can do-

Lady: for-, for being understanding-

Pranker: you can-, you can-, you can do discount?! 

Lady: Yeah, I could give you a 15%.

Pranker: OH MY GOD! I-, I-, I-, I asking you the whole ti-, okay anyway-, okay look, I want to make a reservation for two, me and Julie.

Pranker: When can we do it? 

Lady: Uh, not on date, sorry, right now-, temporarily-, I'm not dating, I don't want to date anyone right now.

Pranker: Okay, but do you love me at least?

Lady: I like you, but I don't love you 

Pranker: I love-, I love you! Don't be very mean, okay? Don't-, don't make awkward situation right? LOVE ME, LIKE I LOVE YOU!

Lady: Uh, sorry sor-, I have to go.

Pranker: What are you going to wear on the date?! You are going to wear something the sexy one?

Lady: Uh, no, sorry sir, uh, I apologize for making the mistake on your order, but-

Pranker: Do you have a big?

Lady: I can't-

Pranker: Do you have a big?

Lady: I can't say anything more than that.

Pranker: Do you have a big BOOBIES? Are you going to wear a low cut shirt?

Lady: No sir, I can't-, I can't tell you all that-, sir. 

Pranker: Okay, just say yo-

Lady: Thank you for calling though, I got to go

Pranker: Okay, do you love-, DO YOU LOVE ME?! 

Lady: No, sorry.

Pranker: LOVE ME?! 

Lady: I got to go okay? Bye 

Pranker: NO-, NO YOU DON'T HAVE TO LOVE ME?!

Lady: I got to go, bye. 

Pranker: Just say it! I'm going to call again! Hello?!

Pranker: [Laughing]