Awesome Prank On A Massage Parlor!

Best quotes: 

• “Do you want some, uh, like the- tootsie roll massage?”
• “Buk's milking you can have it your way too- and then bust all the nuts, you know?”
• “Yeah, but don't you want to bust a nut?”

Body of content:

I heard about this school janitor who is obsessed with sensual Asian massage parlors - the ones that do more than just give you a massage. As Buk Lau, I did a massage parlor prank call on him where I told him he had visited one of Buk’s previous establishments, and was invited to a new one called “Buk’s Milking”.

 

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Transcript

[glass break sound]

Pranker [speaking to audience]: So, this guy's a janitor at a school, and he's addicted to sensual-

Pranker: Asian massage parlors. He apparently openly talk to his co-workers about this all the time.

Pranker: You know, those places where they're not just giving you a massage. I decided to give him a call-

Pranker: from [speaking as Buk Lau]: Buk's milking the new massage parlor.

[phone ringing]

Guy: Hello?

Pranker [speaking to Buk Lau]: Uh duh hello! I wanted to actually call you about the new promotion-

Pranker: we have it for the new massage place, uh- we had your telephone number as a previous customer, you know?

Pranker: So I wondering, you know, we have a- one hour massage for only $29.99, I wondering if maybe you are interest?

Guy: Oh yeah. Which- w- what's the name of that?

Pranker: I- i- it's called Buk's milking, you know?

Guy: Is it in the mall?

Pranker: Uh- it's uh- right by the mall, you know, I can text-message you the address, but I just want to-

Pranker: see if you want to come in for the appointment, you know, they are filling up very fast, and you know-

Pranker: if you want me to save a special girl for you or something like that?

Guy: Yeah, maybe I'll write down your address and-

Pranker: Do you have any type of preference for the girl we get for you? Because we have a new girl right now-

Pranker: I can- you have a- we have a short girl, we have a tall girl, we have a girl with a big- big err- you know-

Pranker: big boobies, thing like that, do you have a preference?

Guy: You have Asian or what?

Pranker: Yeah, Asian lady, you know, very- very cute.

Guy: Wha- what's your address?

Pranker: Yeah 19-800 [censored] highway, you know?

Guy: 19807 [censored]

Pranker: Yeah, right- right- right- right- so what do you think about that? You know, if you want to also, I remember-

Pranker: you have a note here you- I think you do like the cleaning services, if you want to maybe bring your mop-

Pranker: with you, and you want to spend like a half hour just cleaning up for us, the floor, you know, it get like a-

Pranker: sticky one sometimes after the milking. We can do uh- free- free- free massage, you know?

Guy: Said $20?

Pranker: Uh, yeah.

Guy: Uh, hmm, how about- yeah- tonight? What time?

Pranker: WE can do- like- let me look here in my calendar, I want to see here, want to tell you what the heck we can do-

Pranker: we can do like uh- seven thirty?

Guy: Yeah, seven thirty.

Pranker: Okay, and then we have a- I have a very cute girl for you, her name is Au' Nagee, do you want me to set up an-

Pranker: appointment with her? Or do you want to tell me like-

Guy: Yeah- I'll take the one you were just talking about.

Pranker: Oh okay, perfect! And then tell me, what kind of massage, do you want it? So I can put it down.

Guy: Uhm- neck and back I guess and-

Pranker: Okay, neck-and-back, do you wan- the uh- you know, the- do you want some, uh, like the- tootsie roll massage?

Guy: Uh- maybe, yeah.

Pranker: Okay, good, let me put down here kush- because then, you know, she can- just do herself- [keyboard sound]

Pranker: okay, I want to TAKE the note in the system-

Guy: So- so like- 19 yeah 19800 [censored].

Pranker: Uh, right, right, so I'm putting here in the note, "don't forget to massage the tootsie roll and try to pull on it-

Pranker: and- do you li- do you have any- the- oh- no- "extra milking." Okay, do you have any type of uh- "like the cow"-

Pranker: [keyboard sound] Okay, do you have any type of uh- special preference I can put down? Because I- we- the new thing we're-

Pranker: trying to do is we're trying to go the extra mile- like, do you know how the Burger King, they say you can have it your way?

Guy: Yeah- yeah- yeah-

Pranker: Yeah, so at-

Guy: I guess-

Pranker: Buk's milking you can have it your way too- and then bust all the nuts, you know?

Guy: Mhm.

Pranker: [lip smack], so- you know, I don't want you to be shy, or anything like that, I want you really to have like a great time-

Pranker: because we're looking for the repeat customer, so is there anything- anything- ANYthing!

Pranker: You want me to do, or have them do to you?

Guy: Yeah- I- I'll talk about it when I get there.

Pranker: Yeah, yeah, I- I know you worry about, but like I- I- the- the reason I talk to you is because, you know, y- you come to me before-

Pranker: you know, we like a friend, you know, so you not like a stranger, so I do- I feel comfortable, you know? So I was just wondering-

Pranker: you know, because I want you to have the best time of your life, you know, of course, the massage, and then you know, we can do other thing too.

Guy: Okay.

Pranker: And do you like to- just c- because I can ask the lady here, do you like- do you like her to do the anus massage?

Guy: I- I never tried that.

Pranker: Uh- d- do you know what I'm talking about? I know my voice can be sometime a little bit hard, or difficult, right?

Guy: Mhm.

Pranker: So, basically, you know, a- Au Nagee can put- you know, she can help to loosen the m- the muscle in the anos, you know, and massage-

Pranker: all around in the- the sphincta taramatat ta- tamatus?

Guy: Oh, I see.

Pranker: Do you want to bring the mop maybe? So, they can use the handle, and just put it up there?

Guy: Maybe.

Pranker: And then I'll tell her to- to shove her finger up your anus, right?

Guy: Okay.

Pranker: No, but you can't say okay to everything, I want to know what is your preference, you know?

Guy: Yeah- I'll talk to you when I get there, I've got people around here.

Pranker: Yeah, yeah, I know, it's okay, I want to offer them too, the- the offer, right? It's okay, you know?

Pranker: It's uh- it's not a- I know you are busy, but you're on the lunch break, right?

Guy: Yeah, on my lunch break, I'll just come there- later.

Pranker: Yeah, yeah- I know, but when you gonna be free, because I want to, you know, make sure that you get a Buk's milking real good?

Guy: Okay, bye. [hang up]

Pranker: No but w-! H- h- hello? [laughing] [speaking to audience]: Whey uh- what the fark? The guy got super spooked! I think he had-

Pranker: just like a bunch of co-workers around or something. At this point I wasn't able to get a hold of him again, but, after a couple days-

Pranker: I tried again and he finally picked up.

[phone ringing]

Guy: Hello?

Pranker: Uh, yeah, hello, ho- how are you doing?

Guy: Uh, who is this?

Pranker: Hey, [censored] we spoke uh, a few days ago about, I calling you for the BUK'S MILKING.

Guy: From what?

Pranker: I- I'm calling you from the Buk's Milking, unfortunately last time I call you, I know you were very busy, you had I think-

Pranker: people around you, so you could not talk freely-

Guy: Oh- yeah, I'm not- I'm- I'm not interested.

Pranker: You know, well, what do you mean, not interested? You know, I had the best deal for you.

Guy: Well, who- how did you get- how did you get my number?

Pranker: I TOLD YOU I- I had the in the database, you know, we had you as- you were- you were the-

Pranker: repeat customer for us in my last massage place, so we had just like a small list of- of- of good customer-

Pranker: we like to call them back about the introductory.

Guy: Uh- uh- I'm not this time, I'll call you when-

Pranker: Yeah-

Guy: I'll call you another time.

Pranker: yeah, I'm- but look- I- I know you are little bit confused, I understand, you know you got very worried, but I- what I'm trying-

Pranker: to tell you is-

Guy: I'm bus- I'm so busy and I'll call you in a few days when I'm-

Pranker: Yeah, I know but, you remember I- I have the introductory price for only the twenty nine ninety nine! And- and that's for-

Pranker: like the, you get a good milking, you know? You get the good milking and after that, you know, you get to-

Guy: Yeah, I'm gonna be away, I'm heading awa- out of town.

Pranker: Yeah, but don't you want to bust a nut?

Guy: I- can't- I can't now, I have to call you back.

Pranker: No, I know, but you can bust a nut anytime, you know? You come to the Buk's milking, you know? We gonna give you the-

Pranker: the- the milking real good! You know?

Guy: I- no I- I'm not even at home. I'm- I'm on my way out of town now, so-

Pranker: Yeah, come- come-

Guy: I’m not at my home.

Pranker: but- but that [censored] come on man, work with me here, I'm trying to give you the good deal because you were the good-

Pranker: customer, but you don't-

Guy: No, I gotta go, I'll call you back.

Pranker: Yeah, I know- but we gonna beat your meat-

Guy: [hang up]

Pranker: remember, like I thought, h- HELLO? [laughing] [speaking to audience]: I like how he finally thought: "Wait, how'd you get my number?"

Pranker: He didn't think much of it in the previous call, [laughing].