Awkward Fluids Issue! Bed Bath And Beyond Prank Call

Best quotes:

• “I’ve noticed through my retail experience that uh, the MD5# isn’t routed properly when they’re kinda trying to make their way through the checkout and they take a long time to actually, you know, SWIPE the credit card.”
• “I can kinda hear the Ho Ho’s jiggling in your esophagus”
• “Tubby lumpkins, calm down!”
• “Do you possibly want to make, like kind of mend things between us and maybe take things ‘beyond’ together if I come in in person?”

Body of content:

I used my Russell character to pull off a Bed Bath and Beyond prank call where I told the employees that my wife and I were testing out the beds when things went too far!  We took things “BEYOND” and left some gross, crusty stains on the bedding, so I asked the workers to reassure me they’d change the sheets out to ease my conscience. 

The first employee I spoke to was so creeped out immediately that I couldn’t get her to come back to the phone at ALL during the rest of the prank! The next guy was sassier and ready to fight back with Russell’s rude comments! Do you think the employees went and checked the sheets on their bed displays? What prank call ideas should I try on Bed Bath and Beyond next? Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

 

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Transcript

[phone ringing]

Lady: Happy Holidays! Thank you for calling Bed Bath and Beyond. 

Lady: This is Anay speaking. How may I direct your call?

Pranker: Hey! Sorry, your name is again?

Lady: [giggles] Sorry?

Pranker: Oh you got the gi- Did I make you laugh already? Wow.

Lady: [giggles] 

Lady: Uhm, how can I help you sir?

Pranker: An- and your name is? Sorry.

Pranker: Enny?

Lady: Anay.

Pranker: Anay? 

Lady: Yes.

Pranker: Alright, awesome. Uhm, YEAH! I was in there last night with my wife

Pranker: Uhh... I-I-I'm really calling here because I kind of feel bad,

Pranker: I want to get something of my chest! And uh...

Pranker: The two of us were kind of testing out some of the-the... THE BEDS on the floor.

Lady: Okay?

Pranker: AND WE WERE KIND OF LAYING TOGETHER IN THE BED...

Pranker: And... You know, one thing led to another, we kind of took things

Pranker: beyond if you will, if you kind of know where I'm going with this...

Pranker: ... And... We may have kind of left a little present inside of the uh...

Pranker: ... underneath the covers and uh... I just didn't want, you know, some other like...

Pranker: ...old grandmother to come in, try to snuggle up on-on our crusty stains!

Lady: Okay? 

Pranker: I-I sorr- I know I might be catching you a little off guard with this and I know it might sound weird as hell...

Pranker: ... but, I figured if I atleast told you guys, it would be better than someone finding it.

Pranker: Eh, you know it's Christmas time, I thought it's the Holiday season, they'll just let it slide it would've be a good- 

Pranker: A bi- A big deal and... I kind of wanted to do a good deed.

Lady: Okay, I'll let them know. 

Pranker: Alright, well you want to go like try to find the right bed and come back?

Pranker: And I-I'll let you know if some- I want to get confirmation that it's like, 

Pranker: ...the-the sheets are gonna be changed or something because I can't sleep at night.

Pranker: I'm really having trouble, I'm tossing and turning and tossing and turning and it's- not working out for me.

Pranker: Christmas is tomorr-

Lady: Sure, one moment. 

Pranker: Alright, awesome. Thank you.

[music playing]

Guy: Hi, thanks for holding Michael speaking, can I help you?

Pranker: Uh, yeah, hi. I was on hold for uh, Anay?

Guy: Yeah, uhm, she passed the call off to me. 

Pranker: Ok! Alright w- eh-eh- I'm gonna just- Well I can wait for her, it's not a big deal.

Guy: Ok! No worries! 

Pranker: Alright, thanks.

Guy: Okay. 

[music playing] 

Guy: Thanks for holding, she- sh-she actually passed the call off to me because she feels a bit uncomfortable?

Pranker: Oh, no! I ho- OH GOD! I-I-I'm so sorry about that!

Guy: No worries.

Pranker: It's okay, I-I'll totally redeem myself. I'm not like- I'm not "a wierd" od anything like that!

Pranker: I have a WIFE! I was just trying to explain to her what happened. It's okay I'll wait for her and I'll make this right.

Guy: Uhm... Okay?

Pranker: Alright, THANKS!

Guy: Okay she's actually helping a customer right now, so maybe you can maybe call her back?

Pranker: Uh if you think that'd-that'd be ideal, yeah! I can do that! Uhm, Ah-ah-ah based on your estimate, 

Pranker: How long does it look like that customer is going to take? To-to kinda be done with?

Guy: Uhm, I don't know right now she has a three person line, and she's the only person in here by herself, so...

Pranker: OH!

Guy: I'd say maybe like, twenty minutes? 

Pranker: Okay, are-are they-are they kind of like MORE HEAVY SET customers, typically I've noticed that they take longer uh to check out. 

Guy: I'm sorry? 

Pranker: I-I said are the customers more on the heavy side? I've noticed through my retail experience that uh,

Pranker: the MD5# isn't routed properly when the're kind of trying to make their way through the checkout!

Pranker: And they take a long time to actually you know, swipe the credit card! 

Pranker: SO I was just wondering-

Guy: Okay sir, I'm sorry, I don't know what exactly that's supposed to mean, sir?

Pranker: No- 

Guy: Are you trying to tell me that if there is a person in line WHO'S HEAVIER take them longer to end up at the cash-out?

Pranker: Typ-

Pranker: T-Typically yes. 

Pranker: Eh- it-it's what I've noticed personally.

Pranker: I don't know about what your observations may kind of uh... Lead to a different conclusion.

Guy: Well my observations aren't biased. I-I-I don't see... People in that view.

Pranker: Sir eh- sir I'm sorry are you a little bit he- on the heavy side yourself?

Pranker: I didn't mean to offend you. I can almost hear-

Guy: I'm-

Pranker: Go ahead. 

Guy: I'M SORRY?

Pranker: Go ahead. Sorry?

Guy: YOU CAN ALMOST HEAR WHAT?

Praner: Ah-y-y-you just seem like a littl- eh, you seem a little POSSIBLY ON THE HEAVY SIDE yourself...

Pranker: ... which is why you may have got upset. I didn't want to upset you, I apologize for that! But what were you going to say?

Guy: Well thanks for calling Bed Bath and Beyond, you have yourself a great day. Okay sir?

Pranker: Eh- Will- Sir-

Guy: Okay, bye.

Pranker: Well- Hello?

Pranker: [laughing]

Pranker [speaking to audience]: My God! That for sure...

[phone ringing]

Guy: Happy Holidays sir! Thanks for calling Bed Bath and Beyond. This is Michael speaking how may I help you?

Pranker: Hey! Hey Michael, I think we got disconnected what happened there?

Guy: I don't think we god disconnected.

Pranker: Wha- What hap- I-I didn't mean to offend you! I mean I-I can kind of hear the ho-ho's in your Esophagus!

Pranker: But I didn't mean it like, you know... Make you upset!

Pranker: I wasn't trying to d- offend you I was trying to like- 

Pranker: If anything offend the customers in line who are kind of holding up Anay!

Guy: Are you hearing yourself sir?

Pranker: Yeaah! Yeah, I-I'm hearing myself fine.

Guy: Okay. At this point in time, I'm just going to have to end this conversation.

Guy: I don't feel like this is appropriate- 

Pranker: Listen- Listen-

Guy: For- proper engagement-

Pranker: Tubby Lumpkins calm down!

Pranker: Calm down dude! Why- I don't understand- Wh-what's the big deal?

Pranker: You're getting all worked up here. I don't want your har- your-your blood pressure to go up or anything!

Guy: I'm not getting all worked up like-like I don't see how...

Pranker: Whoa! Breathe!

Guy: ... this conversation has to do with anything. I'M NOT GONNA BREATHE!

Guy: If you have a product that you would like to inquire about...

Pranker: T-

Pranker: You might have a heart attack!

Guy: ...I'll be happy to help you with that!

Pranker: Just get me Anay, I can't deal with you. You're like a robot.

[phone call ends]

Pranker: Hello? 

Pranker: [laughing]

[phone ringing]

Lady: Happy Holidays, thank you for calling Bed Bath and Beyond how may I direct your call?

Pranker: Hey, Anay! Is this you? 

Lady: NO!

Pranker: Thank God! Ho-How are you doing? 

Lady: Uhm, hold on one sec.

Pranker: Hello? 

Guy: Hello? 

Pranker: Hey Michael, is it you again?

Guy: Okay listen to me, okay no, YOU LISTEN TO ME. My cashiers are very busy...

Pranker: Okay-

Guy: I don't have time-

Pranker: Alright can-can you tell me ho-

Guy: ... for your harrassment. So don't-

Pranker: No-no-no how does the- how does the gift registries work?

Guy: Listen. Listen-

Pranker: How does the gift registries work?

Guy: DON'T- I'm sorry?

Pranker: Ho- I said how do the gift registries work exactly? How do I go about registering...

Pranker: ... to have like my gifs listed on there for someone to come in and...

Pranker: ... and pick things up for my wedding?

Guy: You would have to arrange an appointment and you can come in or come at anytime and...

Guy: ... you'd have to speak to a consultant.

Pranker: Could I talk to Anay maybe? You're kind of hard to understand.

Guy: Any is busy helping a customer right now sir.

Pranker: Alright, well-well Michael, I think we got off the wrong foot. 

Pranker: You seem all- you seem like you're just not very happy to talk to me right now and I don't understand what happened.

Guy: Because my cashiers feel uncomfortable, they're helping the customers.

Pranker: Okay le- We'll keep the-

Guy: It's really busy today-

Pranker: We'll keep the ca- we'll keep the cashiers out of it.

Pranker: This is just me and you Michael. I feel like I may have insulted you for being kind of on...

Guy: Sir?

Pranker: ... the heavy side.

Guy: Happy Holidays! You didn't insult me, I'm perfectly fine.

Pranker: Are you sure?

Guy: If there's anything in reg- I'm-I'm fine.

Guy: With anything you need in regards to a product I'll be more than happy to help you with that!

Pranker: What kind of clippers do you guys have in sock? And how much are they?

Guy: I'm sorry?

Pranker: What kind of hair clippers do you  guys have in stock? 

Guy: We have uhm, different types you can choose from. 

Guy: Did you want a clipper for- your hair or your face?

Pranker: I'm kind of-

Pranker: Uhm, probably a wahl, I kind of wanted one that I could use all around ideally like,

Pranker: on the face, mm-my back, stomach pubes, the whole-the whole kit and kaboodle!

Guy: Yeah we have a few here that are a hair clippers.

Pranker: D-Did A- Did Anay happen to tell you what happened with the bed?

Pranker: I-I-I honestly just wanna buy something at this point because I feel bad.

Guy: Yeah she did! If you feel bad you can uhm, come into the store and we have a large...

Guy: ... assortment to choose from. And at that time you can pick something.

Pranker: Do y- Do you possibly want to make like kind of like, mend things between us and,

Pranker: maybe take things BEYOND together if I come in in person?

Guy: Excuse me?

Pranker: I was wondering if-if maybe you kind of wanted to try to mend this-this-this tension between us.

Pranker: And-and perhaps you and I could take things BEYOND if I come to the store location!

Guy: When you mean beyond, you mean in terms of an online order? 

Pranker: No I mean in terms of having SEXUAL RELATION-

Guy: EXCUS- EH-EH- I BEG YOUR PARDON?

Pranker: Eh- In terms of having-

Guy: I'm sorry?!

Pranker: an online order, yeah.

Guy: I don't- Eh- eh- HOLD ON, HOLD ON. Let's take a pause.

Guy: I don't know who you're talking to. For one, as I said before, I find this conversation to be inappropriate,

Guy: My cashiers feel uncomfortable.

Pranker: I know -

Guy: In-in-IN TERMS OF EVERYTHING SIR, just-

Pranker: Well simmer down Bertha!

Guy: If you call back again, I'm gonna transfer your call to L.P.

Pranker: Bertha! Bertha! Bertha! BERTHA!

Guy: IF YOU CALL BACK AGAIN-

Pranker: Relax, Bertha! Breathe.

Guy: I'm going to call-

Pranker: Take a breath. T-Take- no. CALM DOWN.

Pranker: Hello?

[phone call ends]

Pranker: Hello? 

Pranker: [laughing]