Crazy Con Artist Uses Black Magic! Prank Call Classics

Best quotes: 

• “You need to make yourself a spell to calm down”
• “You are being like a como se dice? BITCH!”
• “Can you do multiple things or can you only use your voodoo powers to do one thing at a time?”

Body of content:

I found an extremely suspicious ad on Craigslist for a “psychic” woman offering all kinds of black magic services, and prank called her as Tyrone and Juan! The lady is CRAZY high strung and won’t use her supposed powers until she gets her money. I tried to get a little consultation out of her on the phone to see if she could help with Tyrone and Juan’s lady troubles, but she got super aggressive!

This woman is a total scammer who preys on vulnerable people looking for help during tough times. She insisted I meet her in person and have plenty of money ready to hand over! Should I call her up again as a different character? Tell me in the comments below if you’d like to see more pranks on Craigslist psychics!

 

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Transcript

Pranker [speaking to audience]: In this prank, I called someone on Craigslist who's clearly a con artist.

Pranker: She supposedly has voodoo spells for virtually any problem you're having and says her magical-

Pranker: powers are beyond our imaginations, here's how that went.

 [phone ringing]

Lady: Hello? Hello? 

Pranker [speaking as Alejandro Juan Martinez]: Hello? 

Lady: Uh huh? 

Pranker: Hola, ¿Cómo estás? Necesito hablamos con, con, Miss Mary, please? 

Lady: I can't hear you sir.

Pranker: Can I speak to Miss Mary, PLEASE? 

Lady: Who's calling? 

Pranker: I saw your advertisement on Craigslist.

Lady: OKAY, OKAY, where you calling me from? What city and state? 

Pranker: I'm in, in [censored], si! 

Lady: Okay you live [censored], well I'm [censored] too, you could see me! You wanna see me tomorrow? 

Pranker: EXCELLENT! I-, I-, I-, want to talk to somebody FIRST, to-, to-, to-, to GET an IDEA, what-, what do you offer? And how much money you charge?

Lady: OK, what time could you see me? YOU HAVE TO SEE ME IN THE MORNING, you want to see me in the morning? Then I'll tell you where-

Lady: I liv-, I'll tell you where I am at.

Pranker: I-, I'M VERY NERVOUS.

Lady: Do you know where the hospit-

Pranker: I-, LOOK, LOOK, LOOK, calm down, PLEASE! I am very NERVOUS, I want to talk to SOMEBODY who can at least tell me a LITTLE BIT, si! Si! I-, I want to-

Lady: Okay? 

Pranker: I want to getting re-unite with my WIFE! She, she left ME! And, and, I-, I don't know [sniffs], I don't know what to doing right now. 

Lady: Okay, listen very carefully.

Pranker: Okay. 

Lady: Now-, let me talk to you, and listen very carefully.

Pranker: Okay. 

Lady: Okay, I could do whatever you want me to do, I could re-unite you, I could do, in whatever it is, that's for me to do for you, I will do. 

Pranker: OKAY! But look, I-, I-, I-, I-

Lady: So listen very-

Pranker: but-, but HOW AH-, but what-, what-, can-, AHA-, you-, you gonna get MY WIFE TO LOVE ME AGAIN? 

Lady: YES, I guarantee you that, I'll get your wife to love you, now listen very carefully.

Pranker: SHE-, SHE LEFT ME! For, for a BLACK GUY!

Lady: [yelling] LISTEN! 

Pranker: She leave me!

Lady: You're talking so-, you're talking too fast for me! Now, listen what I'm telling you, do you have a pencil and a paper? 

Pranker: No. 

Lady: well you need a pencil and a paper, so I can give you my address! 

Pranker: Okay!

Lady: I'm at 21-, 24-

Pranker: LISTEN! LOOK, LOOK, CALM, okay? I want to ask you FIRST, what-, what can-, can-, can we do here? I-, I-, how much-

Pranker: ooooo, what can you do for me? Porque, I don't wanna go to a STRANGER! I CRY ALL DAY, ALL NIGHT.

Lady: I'm not a-, SIR! I'm not a stranger! 

Pranker: ARE YOU A WIZARD or something? 

Lady: You called me-, you're calling me from [censored], and I'm telling you to see me tomorrow, and I'm giving you my ADDRESS.

Pranker: Are you-

Lady: So I could put you together, so I can do to you-, DON'T TALK TO MUCH!

Pranker: Look-

Lady: You listen what I'm TELLING YOU.

Pranker: Look, I-, you need to make yourself a SPELL to calm down! Okay? Please.

Lady: Okay, that's what I'm telling you! 

Pranker: Okay!

Lady: Listen very care-

Pranker: LOOK.

Lady: LISTEN VERY CAREFULLY TO ME, I live on [censored]

Pranker: NO I DON'T CARE!!! WHERE YOU LIVE, OKAY? I want to know what you can do for ME! Because I AM VERY LONELY MAN NOW. 

Lady: I understand that! I can do lot of things for you, you want your wife back? I can help you.

Pranker: But you-

Lady: You come in tomorrow morning, and get yor readings, I'll see a lot of things for you, then I'll tell you, and don't raise your voice on me!

Pranker: But look, I-, I-, I-

Lady: TALK RIGHT!

Pranker: I KNOW BUT, YOU-, YOU HURT MY FEELING! You know, I talk to you, you tell me-

Lady: THERE'S NO FEELINGS, I'm not hurting your feelings! There's no feelings TO HURT!

Pranker: You HURT! Look, ah-, you are a MAGICIAN! Right? 

Lady: Listen. Listen. Listen! Listen! 

Pranker: I'm not a-

Lady: If you wanna re-

Pranker: I AM TRAVELING for work right now! Because, I can't come tomorrow, because I wanna talk to you, FIRST, I wanna GIVE YOU, I can do your PAYPAL or something!

Lady: I SAID, co-, could you see me tomorrow? 

Pranker: I-, I-, I-, I-, I am TRAVELING for work! OKAY? I am in a HOTEL right now! Becuase I can't come tomorrow, that's why I-, I try to tell-

Pranker: I wanna hear FIRST!

Lady: You're talking too loud for me! Co-, talk slower! 

Pranker: Okay! 

Lady: Okay, when could you see me? 

Pranker: Okay, I can come, maybe, NEXT WEEK, or something, but I-, I wanna getting HELP right now! I can PAY YOU with my CREDIT CARD, or something.

Lady: Yeah, look, what you do, it's better off for you if you could see me tomorrow!

Pranker: I can't do it... 

Lady: HUH?

Pranker: LOOK, MAGICIAN, WIZARD, VOODOO LADY! I need your HELP, okay? Can you not HELP ME on the telephone? 

Lady: I said I could do what you want, if you could see me tomorrow! If you live in [censored], this is where I live-

Pranker: I- 

Lady: I'm trying to explain to you, if you're listening!

Pranker: look, but you're-

Lady: I live at twenty one-, LISTEN! DON'T TALK!

Pranker: You're being, how do you say? BITCH!

Lady:  I live at 21, 24. 

Pranker: YOU'RE BEING A, HOW DO YOU SAY, BITCH! Don't talk to-, I don't want to know your address right now, because I want a you to HELP ME on the telephone PLEASE!

Lady: I will help you! Okay, when can you see me? I will HELP YOU, that's what I'm trying to tell you! 

Pranker: Next week, or something! But, how do you say?

Lady: K.

Pranker: You're-, you're-

Lady: Call me next-, call me next week, and I'll tell you how to come. 

Pranker: NO-

Lady: Okay, BYE!

Pranker: You're being like a, how do you say, BITCH! Hello? Hello? [laughing] [speaking to audience]: God, sorry was I blowing out your eardrum-

Pranker: you guys with that whole Hispanic thing. 

 [phone ringing]

Lady: Hello? 

Pranker [speaking as Tyrone]: Uh, yeah, may I speak to Miss Mary? 

Lady: Who's calling? 

Pranker: Uh, YEAH, this is TYRONE, I saw your advertisement for the uh-, THE LOVESPELLS.

Lady: Where you calling me from? What city and state? 

Pranker: I'm in Los Angeles, California. I got recommended to you by a friend-

Lady: OH!

Lady: Ok, could you hold on a minute sir? 

Pranker: I SURE CAN! 

Lady: Thank you.

Pranker: DON'T TAKE TOO LONG NOW, [giggles]

Lady: Thank you!

Pranker: Alright.

Lady: Hello? 

Pranker: Uh, hello? 

Lady: Yeah, I'm here. Now, what seem to be your problem? 

Pranker: Uh, YEAH, you know, I, I've been going through a uh-, A ROUGH financial time-

Pranker: lately, well-, well-, well-, eh, it's kind of a UPCOMING financial time, I got-

Pranker: gots, I got a good amount of money saved away, but it's kind of been DWINDLING-

Pranker: and, I'm just trying to, you know, GET BACK on there, and also I'm trying to win back my BOO BOO.

Lady: Okay, like, for you-, oh, eh-, what kind of work do you do? Do you work? You do? 

Pranker: Uh, YEAH, I'm-, I'm an aspiring RAP ARTIST, so uh, on the weekends, I'll go to uh, THE CLUB and-

Pranker: and-, and-, do some BEAT BOXING [beat boxing], I mean I'll do SOME OF THAT, I'll do a bit of, you know?

Pranker: A little bit a ACTING when I can, you know, I be a little EXTRA on the SIDE. And I just trying to do what I-

Lady: Okay, so, what is that you want me to do? What is that you want to me to do for you? 

Pranker: OK, I want you to uh, first of all, c-, can you do multiple things? Or can you on-, only use your VOODOO POWERS?

Pranker: To do one thing at a time? 

Lady: Like what for instance? 

Pranker: Uh, for example, I would like to get back with my-, with my girl BERTHA, she left me like a COUPLE months ago.

Pranker: She said that: "I'm going downhill, I can't be-, I can't see us, I can't see a future together, li'l-, li'l-, LI'L JOHNNY'S- 

Pranker: gonna grow up and be ON THE STREETS like this!" And she took our BABY!

Lady: Yeah. Well, what I need to do, I could work on that, that's no problem, I can do all that, what I need to do-

Lady: I need to look in your problems, I need to feel the Vibrations, I need to see where they're coming from, and when they're not. 

Lady: My work is guaranteed. My work is very confidential.

Pranker: OK.

Lady: And uh, if you want me to help you, you got to be honest and truthful with me, you understand? I can help you!

Pranker: I'll be, I-, I understand!

Lady: Altogether for-, altogether for-

Pranker: Completely! 

Lady: My work-, it will cost you $175 Dollars, now how soon do you think you can mail that out to me? 

Pranker: Wait so, what-, what-, what do I need to mail to you? 

Lady: $175.

Pranker: OH, I gotta mail you-, uh-, do you take CHECKS? 

Lady: No, I don't take checks, NO.

Pranker: So uh-

Lady: Cou-, cou-, cou-, could you mail this on the Western Union to me tomorrow? 

Pranker: But-, but what-, I'm sorry, eh-, do you mind explaining why you don't take checks? I'm-, I'm COMPLETELY DOWN-, $175 is no prob-

Lady: I don't take checks FROM OUT OF STATE SIR. I DON'T TAKE CHECKS FROM OUT OF STATE, that's why.

Pranker: Ey-

Lady: OKAY, I DO NOT ACCEPT CHECKS.

Pranker: WHY YOU RAISING YOUR VOICE? YO, YO, YOU USE GODDAMN SPELL TO CALM YOUR ASS DOWN, how about that? 

Lady: Okay. 

Pranker: DAMN. RELAX. So, ca-, can-, CAN I PAYPAL YOU? Hello? HELLO? [laughing] [speaking to audience]: Alright, she hung up, I guess she didn't like that insult being said to her in two different ways [laughing].