Ex-Convict Invites Himself To Thanksgiving - Prank Call

Best quotes: 

• “COME ON GIRL, you gonna have the stuffing, the mashed potatoes, the gravy, all the- ALL the sides and stuff and I'm gonna be eating a motherfarking Big Mac.”
• “I'll get you a seat at the corner of the McDonald's, I buy you a nice little SUNDAE, get you a baked apple pie! One spoon, we can share crap, together.”
• “I don't gotta eat like civilized people, I just want some good food.”

Body of content:

Tyrone, the now former convict, prank called a few stores to see if the employees would take him in for a Thanksgiving meal! He’s fresh out of prison and has no where to eat, but the employees at Walmart and McDonald’s don’t see how this is their problem. Where else should I do a convict prank call to? Tell me what you’d like to hear in the comments below!

 

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Transcript

[phone ringing]

Guy: [indistinctive speaking] This is Mike.

Pranker [speaking as Tyrone]: Uh, hey Mike, how's it going?

Guy: Good.

Pranker: Ey uh, I k- I know this may seem kind of random but uh...

Pranker: I was wondering if- if you may have- potentially have an extra seat at the table for Thanksgiving?

Guy: Nope.

Pranker: C'mon dawg, I just got out of the joint man, I'm lonely as hell, I thought maybe I could co-

Pranker: Hello? Hello?

Pranker: [laughing] He said NOPE, and he hung up...

[phone ringing]

Lady: Thanks for calling Walmart, how may I help you?

Pranker: Uh, yeah, what's popping girl, how you doing?

Lady: Fine.

Pranker: Uh, I know this may sound a little bit weird but uh, do you happen to have an extra seat at the dinner table tomorrow for Thanksgiving?

Lady: A what?

Pranker: Do you happen to have an extra seat at the table Tomorrow for Thanksgiving?

Pranker: I just- I just got out of the joint girl, and I'm real lonely. I ain't got nobody with me right now...

Pranker: I thought I can call my friendly neighborhood Walmart and maybe somebody there could hook me up.

Lady: Oh, my- I...

Pranker: It's okay... Take- take-

Lady: I couldn't help you.

Pranker: COME ON GIRL, you gonna have the stuffing, the mashed potatoes, the gravy, all the- ALL the sides and stuff...

Pranker: ... and I'm gonna be eating a motherfarking Big Mac.

Somebody in the background: Hey Juan, did you see Nora?

Pranker: So what you're thinking? Can you do it for me girl, can you help a- can you help a brother out?

Pranker: [laughing] She hung up! I think she has like, poop herself!

Pranker: She's like, "OH WHAT DO I DO?" Hang up. [laughing]

[phone ringing]

Lady: Thanks for calling Walmart, how may I help you?

Pranker: Uh, yeah hello?

Lady: Mhm?

Pranker: Yeah, did I just talk to you a second ago? I'm sorry if we got on the wrong foot, I put you on the spot-

Pranker: I didn't wanna make you uncomfortable or nothing!

Girl: Uh...

Pranker: It's okay, you can be honest with me, you don't got to pretend, I know it's a little bit weird...

Pranker: ...I caught you off guard, you're like "What do I do right now?" Click!

Lady: Uh, I just walked over here sir, I just answered the phone.

Pranker: Okay, let me ask you then... I know this may sound a little bit weird but I was wondering...

Pranker: ... if maybe you had an extra seat at the dinner table tomorrow night for Thanksgiving?

Lady2: What does that have to do with Walmart sir?

Pranker: I mean I just got released, I'm real lon- I ain't got family around here no more, I mean I...

Pranker: I just figured I can call my friendly neighborhood Walmart and maybe they could hook me up!

Pranker: Well I mean-

Lady2: I could transfer you- I could transfer you to a manager

Pranker: I mean- Do you think HE WOULD LET ME- he would let me come? I-I-I could eat at bathroom or something?

Pranker: I don't gotta eat like civilized people, I just want some good food.

Lady2: Okay sir, please hold.

Pranker: Alright, boo-boo.

Manager: This is Kai, how can I help you?

Pranker: Uh, sorry what's your name?

Manager: Kai.

Pranker: E-e-ey Kai, how you doing?

Manager: Alright.

Pranker: Ey man, I was just wondering if maybe you had it in your heart t-t-to let a brother in...

Pranker: ... on your dinner table tomorrow night for Thanksgiving.

Manager: Excuse me?

Pranker: [stuttering] I was wondering if you maybe had an extra seat at the dinner table tomorrow night for Thanksgiving?

Pranker: I- I'm really lonely man, I just got out I ain't got, NOBODY NO MORE, my family all died in car accident...

Pranker: And... And... You know I'm just trying to get- I'm just trying to get some food! And some stuffing.

Manager: Uh, we don't have dinner here.

Pranker: Well yeah I was wondering if I- I could come to your place tomorrow night for Thanksgiving maybe and... I mean maybe I co-

Manager: Alright, you have a good day okay?

Pranker: I could sit in the bathroom if you want?

Pranker: Hello?

Pranker: [laughing] Before that heartless... Really, like what if it was real and I was like genuinely a really farking sad black man...

Pranker: [laughing]

[phone ringing]

McDonald's: McDonald's, how may I help you?

Pranker: Uh, yeah, how's it going?

McDonald's: Good!

Pranker: Uh, w-what's your name, sorry?

McDonald's: Naima?

Pranker: Hey Naima, I was wondering if possibly you had an extra seat at the dinner table tomorrow night for Thanksgiving?

McDonald's: [chuckles] Seriously?

Pranker: Well yeah, I mean, I-I just got out well you know, a few days ago and my-my-my family happened to get, you know...

Pranker: ... unfortunately they were killed in a car accident, so I'm a real lonely man right now, and I thought maybe if I call my favorite...

Pranker: ... restaurant in the entire world, maybe they could hook me up with some you know, I could-

Pranker: ... get some- get some food! Get some turkey, get some stuffing! Get some cranberry sauce!

Pranker: Get some gravy, yeah!

McDonald's: Oh my gosh... I'm sorry, I'll be working tomorrow so no, I won't actually have any of that stuff....

Pranker: Ok, you know what? How about this, since we both going to be a little bit lonely...

Pranker: How about me, you... I'll get you a seat at the corner of the McDonald's, I buy you a nice little SUNDAE, get you a baked apple pie!

Pranker: One spoon, we can share crap, together.

McDonald's: [chuckles] Uhm, well you're a complete stranger so I'm going to have to kindly decline... Sir.

Pranker: I understand but, luckily we're gonna be in a public space so you're going to have all your co-workers next to you!

Pranker: You're gonna have the protection, ain't nobody gonna get hurt, ain't nobody gonna get in trouble.

Pranker: We'll be chilling. Uh, yeah!

McDonald's: Oh, uhm, thank you I appreciate it! But no thank you and I'm gonna have to go and get back to work now.

Pranker: Ok- C- ca- can I speak to somebody uh, do you have any attractive females I could maybe speak to about my proposition?

McDonald's: [chuckles] Uh, no.

Pranker: Just listen- listen, just pretend like I have a question and be like...

Pranker: ..."He wanted to talk to the manager" or something and then I'll just start over again, go ahead.

McDonald's: I'm sorry you can uhm, call a different McDonald's maybe?

Pranker: But this is my favorite one! You all always make the McNuggets exactly the way I like them. The perfect crunchy consistency...

Pranker: ... you all on point with it. I don't wanna- I don't want to deceive you all and go somewhere else! I promised!

McDonald's: Uhm, I'm sorry.

McDonald's: I'm gonna hang up the phone now, alrighty. Take care

Pranker: Don't do it boo! I'm really lonely, COME ON GIRL!

McDonald's: I'm sorry, take care.

Pranker: DON'T DO ME LIKE THAT!

Pranker: Hello?

Pranker: Hello?

Pranker [speaking to audience]: [laughing] She hung up... [laughing] I'm surprised she stayed on the line for that long, props to her...