Fantasy Football Pranks - Hilarious Prank Call!

Best quotes: 

• “I want to win leagues and fark ass uh- ye- it depends on what kind of asses…”
• “I think they want you to put like a big black c**k meat sandwich on, like your chest or something…”
• “It's like "YO YOU WILL EAT CRAP, SUCK MY ASS, FARK TO YOU", this kind of thing.”

Body of content:

I called a guy who posted on Craigslist claiming to be a Fantasy Football guru that wants to help me rig my league results. The whole thing seemed sketchy, so I used my ‘Abdo’ character to mess with him a little bit. I had him jumping through hoops to get my business! Let me know in the comments below if I should do some more Fantasy Football pranks!

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Transcript

[phone ringing]

Guy: Hello?

Pranker [speaking as Abdo]: Yeah hello, uh I saw your advertisement on the Craigslisting about uh- You're the Fantasy Football Expert right?

Guy: Yes sir!

Pranker: Okay, excellent! So I've been looking for someone just like you to help me, you know I...

Pranker: ... have like a little bet between my friends for the football fantasy, they say think "Oh yeah you don't know JACK CRAP about the football"...

Pranker: ..."you're not going to win" and I tell them "Oh yeah?"

Guy: Okay. [giggles]

Pranker: Well you watch me, mother bitch. And then- now I call you, my helper.

Guy: Listen, I'll crush your friends. It's not a problem, like I have as much knowledge as people that work for ESPN like...

Guy: ... yeah I- I've been winning for 15 years, I'm just really good at football...

Pranker: C-crap man!

Guy: ... I'm really good at numbers in football, and I really-

Pranker: Yeah, yeah, I understand- I appreciate like the elevator bitch but- Let's talk money man, how do we make this work?

Guy: I mean, uhm, to show up at your draft, between 4 and 5 hundred.

Guy: You know, uhm, if it's gonna be in [censored].

Pranker: Okay-

Pranker: Yeah I know, I understand totally, you know like uhm, myself, I have done the week long commitment uh...

Pranker: ... with Fantasy football on Fan Duel just because like it's very easy to use, you know like, I can- [sigh]

Pranker: ... build the line up...

Guy: Yeah, yeah, yeah-

Pranker: I can get the live update.

Guy: Yeah, of course. Fan Duel is very very fun, even for someone like me, but it depends on how much money you're betting with your friends...

Pranker: Uh, actually all these people are wealthy businessman in different type of industries and stuff like that.

Pranker: It's mostly like an ego thing you know, like it's not even about the money for me, it's more like you know, competition.

Pranker: It's like "YO YOU WILL EAT CRAP, SUCK MY ASS, FARK TO YOU", this kind of thing. But to keep it light, we're doing 1000$ per person, okay?

Guy: Okay.

Pranker: But yeah, I want to win leagues and fark ass uh- ye- it depends on what kind of asses-

Guy: When it's not about money, that's when it's the most fun.

Pranker: For sure-

Guy: One league I did with a bunch of guys that went to college together, the losers with...

Guy: ... the worst record had to get a tattoo of a farking penis on your arm saying "I'm a bitch".

Pranker: Oh, wow.

Guy: I- it depends on how sick your friends are!

Pranker: Yeah, yeah, well we have some crazy ideas too. I think they want you to put like a big black c**k meat sandwich on, like your chest or something...

Pranker: ... just to be clear though, if you lose you will do it, right?

Guy: [chuckles] Listen, out of eleven of your jamoke fantasy friends, if I had the worst record...

Guy: ... yeah, of course I would!

Pranker: [chuckles] Ok, alright, well yeah, okay, well sounds good to me like I want to be the king.

Pranker: I want to be the lion, I want to get money, I want to fark bitches and I want to be the winner.

Pranker: And your commitment and your confidence, that is a good sign.

Pranker: ONE THING is important is that, I want you to be there, but I don't want them to know that...

Pranker: ... I am having somebody make my selection, these kind of things right?

Pranker: So I already have a plan in place, I actually know a lot of people in the film and the special effects industry.

Pranker: So I know one lady who can give you a make up to almost look exactly like me.

Pranker: She will put like prosthetics, she has like a silicone, she will put it on your face like professional.

Pranker: PRO- FESSIONAL.

Guy: I don't think that'll work, here's why: I'm extremely farking handsome. You understand?

Pranker: So what? Like, I'm like ugly? Or what?

Guy: I don't know, I'm just saying, but I'm also 6 feet and a 190 pounds just farking muscle.

Pranker: Well I have a BIG D**K like, do you match up with that too or like?

Guy: Dude, farking lower extremity is my best half.

Pranker: Oh, okay but yeah, really though, I'm actually 5'11, so I don't think the height difference will matter, I have a personal trainer.

Pranker: I actually stay in pretty good shape myself. I am also a man of very few words, so...

Pranker: ... you won't have to do much talking, you will have my assistant with you who will know about everything...

Pranker: ... You can lean over, whisper to him, tell him make this pick.

Pranker: Do this, go that, get me one coffee...

Guy: If you're legit, and you wanna make me up to be you? Here's what will do, okay...

Guy: Check me out. I'll win your farking league and you can fark asses, you can talk all the crap you want.

Guy: I'm down to put make up and do all that crap, here's what I'm saying.

Pranker: Yeah.

Guy: Cash talks bullcrap walks. Here's what we're gonna do. Paypal me money in good faith, so I know you're legit and you're serious and then we'll go from that.

Pranker: Look man, first of all, you don't know who I am. Number one, you need to have a little bit more respect okay?

Pranker: T-the environment is going to be a very dimly lit area. Nobody will really recognize too much...

Pranker: ... it's going to look very good, you will have to sit there with the sun glasses, the only thing I think that will really help us a lot is...

Pranker: ... if obviously I have a little bit of a heavy accent right? So...

Pranker: Do you think like, you could at least try to say like one or two words as me like, I really think the only thing that will be...

Pranker: ... required is something like "yeah, yeah" or like, my-my friends joke around a lot with me like...

Pranker: ... when they make a bad idea or something, I call them stupid...

Guy: Listen, figure out if you wanna use me or not, and we'll go from there.

Pranker: Yeah, I know. I understand totally but like I said everything is pretty much in place the last thing I just want to make sure...

Pranker: ... that if there is a little bit of trash talk needed you can say "you're stupid", ca-

Guy: You're stupid.

Pranker: Uh, a little bit uh-

Guy: Say it again.

Pranker: [stuttering] Yeah it's "you're stupid".

Guy: You're stupid.

Pranker: The- the P is like B, right? Like indtead of stupid, you say stuBid.

Guy: Stupid.

Pranker: Yeah, you sound like a caucasian a little bit. Uh, what about like if you're say "yeah, yeah, yeah".

Guy: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Pranker: [exhale] Are you trying man? Or what?

Guy: Alright my man.

Pranker: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, see I'm- I said it to you a lot like- just like...

Pranker: ... yeah, yeah, yeah, you're stupid.

Guy: Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're stupid.

Pranker: Oh...

Man: Let's get back to business alright? Do you wanna win?

Pranker: Yeah, yeah.

Guy: Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, alright. So here's what we're gonna do.

Guy: Paypal me, upfront, we win. Nothing else needs to be said.

Pranker: Yeah, yeah.

Guy: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Pranker: You- you're getting better actually like-

Guy: You know what makes me have accents better? Getting paid to do it.

Pranker: Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course.

Guy: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah...

Pranker: Of course- of co-

Guy: Yeah, yeah, of course.

Pranker: But- but-

Guy: Of course.

Pranker: But don't be like stupid right? Like- just- just say yeah, yeah, you're stupid.

Guy: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Pranker: No but- you- the last part-

Guy: That's it. Let me ask you a question now, are you ready?

Pranker: Yeah, yeah.

Guy: Yeah, yeah. Do you wanna win?

Pranker: Yeah. Yeah.

Guy: Yeah, yeah, yeah, paypal me and then call this number back.

Pranker: Yeah, I understand but again-

Guy: Alright, do the yeah- yeah- yeah.

Pranker: Yeah.

Guy: Do the yeah yeah yeah.

Pranker: Yeah, yeah yeah, of course, of course...

Guy: Let me ask you a question...

Pranker: Of course, yeah, yeah, yeah. Listen you stupid, relax, you- you're d- you're disrespecting again, relax.

Pranker: Take a step back and just chill out man like I don't know why you're getting so worked up man, look...

Pranker: I will send my driver to bring you like a meal or something, if you need to raise the blood sugar, I don't know what's wrong with you.

Guy: What?

Pranker: Repeat it! Mother bitch. Say it-

Guy: And you're- mother bitch, my price went up. A thousand.

Pranker: Okay I said like-

Guy: Fark it's done, dude. DONE.

Pranker: T-Try to learn how to say yeah, yeah, and you're stupid. So in case somebody makes a bad draft pick...

Pranker: ... you can be like "Yo, you're like stupid!"

Guy: [laughing]

Pranker: Yeah, I'm telling you like, this is real, like the call is real, unscripted, like every single call right?

Guy: Write down my Paypal.

Pranker: Okay, but I need you to apologize-

Guy: I- SHHHH, LISTEN, SHHHH-

Pranker: I need to-

Guy: Calm down.

Pranker: Motherfarker- mother- mother bitch- I-

Guy: I- I-

Pranker: Don- DOOON'T YOU EVER SHUSH ME AGAIN OK? SHUT UP YOU'RE STUPID. STOP IT.

Guy: Alright.

Pranker: Say, yeah, yeah, you're stupid, and I will paypal you right now.

Guy: Good luck.

Pranker: [stuttering] Say it! Do you want to miss out on the opport- [laughing]

Pranker: [speaking to audience] He hung up...