Hillbilly Brings A Goat To A Wifi Cafe! Wacky Prank Calls

Best quotes: 

• “Aw CRAP! I- it is kind of hard to get SEMEN out of carpets.”
• “ANY CHANCE we could DRESS YOU UP LIKE A GOAT then? Just for, like, some eye candy?”
• “I HONESTLY though like, despite what you may think the- the- the GOAT IS CONSENTING, right?”

Body of content:

In this wacky prank call with Billy the hillbilly, I called up a wifi cafe owner and asked him if my buddies and I could get into some “unusual” activities in his cafe! You’ll be shocked when you hear how long this guy was willing to entertain Billy’s weird conversation. The prank call didn’t completely throw him off, he had experienced some bizarre customers in the past!

Would this guy have really let Billy use the wifi cafe for enough money? Do you think the Ownage characters should all get in on renting another venue for a strange party? Tell me in the comments below!

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Transcript

[glass break sound] [phone ringing]

Guy: [censored]

Pranker [speaking as Billy]: I'm calling about the uhm, advertisement you have up about the uh- COMPUTERS?

Guy: The computers?

Pranker: Yeah, the training center that's available for rent right now?

Guy: Yes sir, how can we help you?

Pranker: Okay well see I-

Guy: Yeah.

Pranker: I wanted to have some of my BUDDIES come in there, you know, we're all big fans of TRUCK SIMULATOR-

Pranker: so, maybe we can kind of install those, if I wanted to come in there and play that game, would y'all-

Pranker: install it beforehand so that, you know, we can get in there and p-

Guy: NO, we wouldn't, no, no one would, no. [giggles]

Pranker: ok- okay- I got you.

Guy: No, sir.

Pranker: Can y'all go any lower on the price then for fifty dollars? Or is that kind of-

Guy: No, that's the STARTING RATE depending on what you wanna do, the price can go up from there.

Pranker: Okay, well by any chance, if- if you know- if we INVITED YOU to come join us for some TRUCK SIMULATOR-

Pranker: and- and movies? Would you- would you out the price down a little bit?

Guy: Uh, if you did it CONSISTENTLY, of course I would.

Pranker: That sounds good, I'll- I'll check in with them, you know- we'll- I know y'all have janitors-

Pranker: and stuff like that, but we'll- we'll be sure to wipe down the place down afterwards.

Guy: Yeah, yeah, I mean, I'm pretty sure I can include some type of cleaning fee or something like that.

Pranker: Got you, and are there any cameras in the rooms?

Guy: WELL THERE ARE, THERE ARE CAMERAS.

Pranker: OH, is there any way we can kind of just turn those off for- for privacy purposes?

Guy: NO, you'd have to pay me a lot more than fifty bucks an hour for that.

Pranker: Name your price! W- w- what are you thinking?

Guy: W- we would name that price FACE TO FACE, because I wanna know exactly why you want them off.

Pranker: Okay, well I'm- HOW ABOUT A HUNDRED DOLLARS AN HOUR?

Guy: Yeah, how many hours?

Pranker: UH, I'd say eight hours probably?

Guy: Definitely.

Pranker: 800 BUCKAROOS?

Guy: I can do that.

Pranker: Okay, but, uh- the camera's will be off right? So we can kind of put a towel over there?

Guy: Yeah, we will, that's exactly what we would do, I'm just curious of what this "event" exactly is?

Guy: Uh, because you'd be SURPRISED what I've heard and what's been in my building before.

Pranker: W- w- what's the CRAZIEST THING you've heard?

Guy: I've heard everything, and I've had- I've had people do like LIVE LAN PARTIES or what-not NAKED-

Guy: uh, I've had people do LIVE VIDEO STUFF, uh, NAKED, I've done all that.

Pranker: Got you! Okay, well see, you know, it- it's just gonna be me and a bunch of my FISHING BUDDIES-

Pranker: coming together to have a good time. To avoid the cleaning fee, do you want us to kind of-

Pranker: wipe things down after we EXPLODE, or should we kind of just leave that to the-

Guy: No- nobody- [laughing], I've never had that happen in a specific room per say, this is hilarious.

Guy: BUT, you PROBABLY wanna make sure and what-not you have all the CONTINGENCIES in place ahead of time.

Pranker: Th- there's more to it-

Guy: I- we-

Pranker: but I don't wanna like SCARE-

Guy: we-

Pranker: you away or nothing like that.

Guy: How much more to it is it? I- I got to hear it.

Pranker: Well I- I- I- see- w- we wanted to actually POTENTIALLY if you're okay with it-

Guy: [phone button sound]

Pranker: you know, bring over, we have kind of like a- like a friendly PET of ours, it's actually a GOAT.

Pranker: Uh, we wanted to kind of, you know, bring the goat.

Guy: No, no, you're not bringing- no, no. You're not bringing a live animal, it's not happening, bro.

Pranker: But- err-

Guy: Like, there are NO ANIMALS that's gonna come in my building.

Pranker: NO, BUT Y- Y- HEH, I- I got you, it's j- it's a very WELL TRAINED GOAT, you know, she- she won't-

Pranker: like- poop anywhere-

Guy: DOESN'T MATTER.

Pranker: You know- I'm a PARTY ANIMAL MYSELF, I- I'm unfortunately a little sick right now, I caught me A COLD-

Pranker: uh, I think it was the GOAT, but, you know, I- I- I- l- like I said-

Guy: [laughing]

Pranker: I- it's- it's actually a- a very-

Guy: You ca- YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS!

Pranker: Look man- if- if we bring the goat we can kind of just, you know- take the mop out, and- and we can MOP-

Pranker: things down ourselves-

Guy: No, no, no, there's no- there's no goats coming to my building, that's not happening.

Pranker: Wait, is it- well is it CARPET OR TILE in there?

Guy: It's carpet!

Pranker: Aw-

Guy: It's not happening!

Pranker: Aw CRAP! I- it is kind of hard to get SEMEN out of carpets.

Guy: Yeah, if that's what y'all are doing, yeah, yeah.

Pranker: Got you, ANY CHANCE we could DRESS YOU UP LIKE A GOAT then? Just for like some eye candy? We'll pay you an-

Pranker: extra fifty dollars.

Guy: [laughing] You really got to see me FACE TO FACE bro because I am not the- the DRESS UP type man, most definitely-

Guy: I'm pretty sure you'd look at me and know, I'LL RING YOUR NECK.

Pranker: You sound like you can ROLEPLAY-

Guy: [laughing] No, I don't ROLEPLAY well.

Pranker: I just wanted to meet your FRIENDLY GOAT, if you know what I mean? HAH!

Guy: NO, I- I don't have any friendly goats.

Pranker: I HONESTLY though like, despite what you may think the- the- the GOAT IS CONSENTING, right? W- we wouldn't-

Pranker: do anything without CONSENT, you know, we're very friendly people.

Guy: [laughing]

Pranker: I- I- I- I LIT- I LITERALLY-

Guy: WHO ARE-

Pranker: no-

Guy: WHO ARE YOU DUDE?! WHO ARE YOU DUDE? SERIOUSLY, WHO ARE YOU? YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS, do I know you? Who is this?

Pranker: MY- MY NAME'S BILLY, I- I LITERALLY TOLD THE GOAT, I SAID: "HEY, listen, we wanna do XYZ, if you're OKAY with this-

Pranker: say bah", and then she's like [imitating goat sound], SO IT WORKED OUT, you know I'm saying?

Guy: [laughing] I got you bro, absolutely, well bro listen-

Pranker: But, DON'T WORRY, now listen, you- you have nothing to worry about the- the goat stays away from me unless I'm naked-

Pranker: so- so it's not gonna be bothering us or anyth-

Guy: ye- [laughing] I got you bro.

Pranker: You know, I- I'M ON MY WIFE'S PHONE right now and she has BINGO later, so- I- let's get to the bottom of this right now-

Pranker: you know, so, we still good for the hundred d-

Guy: Yeah, dude, err, you're gonna pay at least A THOUSAND to do ANY OF THAT at my facility, bro.

Pranker: But- for- but will I-

Guy: At least.

Pranker: W- wuh- w- will I have the whole day then?

Guy: No, that won't be the whole day and Imma put you in a room with some WASHABLE FLOORS, so you guys can do your thing [giggles].

Pranker: Well in that case we- we can probably bring the goat then, right?

Guy: No, you can't bring the goat my man-

Pranker: Aw- come on man-

Guy: it's not happening.

Pranker: YOU'RE TEASING ME MAN, you're- you're just- you're- you're- YOU'RE YANKING MY BALLS HERE-

Guy: I can't- I can't do it, I can't do it man, I can't do it, I can't do it, absolutely not.

Pranker: Okay.

Guy: No, no animals, bro, if you ever wanna throw a party I got to see how, this is gonna go down or what-not, give us a call man.

Pranker: Okay, so- so you're gonna come to my PARTY?! Because er- anyways, er- the- the- the goat-

Guy: No- no I'm- I'm not coming to your party. [laughing]

Pranker: LOOK MAN! H- HONESTLY, I would love to have you be a part of our- our event!

Pranker: You know I told you-

Guy: NO- IT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN.

Pranker: I have a GOAT COSTUME for you, it has actually like a very STRATEGIC FLAP, in the back too-

Pranker: kind of just POOF HOO-HAW.

Guy: Look- look bro- bro- bro listen, I gotta go.

Pranker: Look, I'm just saying, man, you know, if you wear- if-

Guy: Take care.

Pranker: IF YOU WEAR THE COSTUME we can ENTER YOU FROM BEHIND WHILE YOU'RE BEHIND THE WHEEL ON YOUR- ON YOUR TRUCK SIMULATOR.

Guy: [hang up]

Pranker: HELLO!? [laughing]