Hiring A Housekeeper In A Bikini? Prank Call Classics

Best quotes: 

• “I don’t want to have somebody who has mosquito bite breast, do you have, like, uhh nice mangoes?”
• “Are you STYOOBID??”
• “If you can maybe make a big sh*t on the floor for me like a BOOM BOOM  BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM in the BATHROOOOOOOM”

Body of content:

I found an advertisement on Craigslist for a woman who offers housekeeping services. Judging from what she wrote and her pictures, I thought I might be able to get her to agree to something a little more wild! I called as Abdo, saying I was looking for a housekeeper but wanted something above and beyond the “normal” services. 

This lady was immediately down with Abdo’s idea for her to clean while wearing a bikini! She even seemed open to other more scandalous services, but didn’t want to talk about it on the phone out of fear of getting caught by the cops! Apparently where she draws the line is with being asked to poop on the floor. 

I’ve found some of the craziest people to prank on Craigslist! What’d you think of this housekeeper bikini prank call? Do you think she would have really gone through with this crazy scenario? Tell me your thoughts in the comments below! 

 

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Transcript

 [Phone ringing]

Lady: Hello?

Pranker [speaking as Abdo]: Hello, may I please speak with Craig please?

Lady: YOU GOT THE WRONG NUMBER.

Pranker: I-, I saw this uh-, advertisement for Craig-, Craigslist!

Lady: Okay? What were you looking for?

Pranker: I'm looking for CRAIG about uh-, the advertisement! About the cleaning.

Lady: My name is Shellie! And-, you've probably seen my cleaning service out there, did you look?

Pranker: OH-, I-, I'm sorry, I don't-, I don't use the internet uh-, a lot. I uh-

Lady: Yeah, [laughs]

Pranker: Oh.

Lady: Yeah I, I was on-, I'm on Craigslist, I-, I clean houses!

Pranker: Yeah I-, I am like-, I AM LIKE A SILLY GOOSE! [Laughing]

Lady: Yeah [forced laughter] what were you looking at to have done?

Pranker: I uh-, I want to have a-, my uh-, my house CLEAN, I want to do like the bathroom, woman to clean the kitchen!

Lady: Oh well I clean houses!

Pranker: Alright then, how-, how-, how much money you-, you charging?

Lady: Like uh-, for-, well how big is your house?

Pranker: I have like uh-, 1500 SQUARE FEET.

Lady: Okay how many rooms is it?

Pranker: FOUR

Lady: Four bedrooms?

Pranker: RIGHT, uh-, four bedroom uh-, two bathroom.

Lady: Uh-, where are you located at?

Pranker: Ok, I wi-, I will be honest, okay? I-, I saw your advertisement and you uh-, you look like a very-, very beautiful-

Pranker: LADY, and I was wondering if I can pay like extra fee? And you can do the cleaning in the BATHING SUIT.

Lady: YEAH! Hm.

Pranker: How much money you charging for that?

Lady: I don't know-, uh-

Pranker: Will-, ca-, ca-, can you do the cleaning for me in like a-, a BIKINI.

Lady: Uh, yeah!

Pranker: Al-, ALRIGHT! Uh-, uh-, how much ca-, let-, let-, let-, let's talk business, right? I-, I-, I have a lot of MONEY-

Pranker: okay? I will be honest. But tell me-

Lady: Okay, okay.

Pranker: tell me-, tell me-, PRICE!

Lady: Uh-, two!

Pranker: TWO HUNDRED, right?

Lady: Yeah.

Pranker: Alright, and uh-, what-, what else can we do here? Since I have a-, mo-, I tell you again, money is not a ISSUE!

Pranker: But-, I know you do the cleaning, but what kind of uh, EXTRA SERVICE-

Lady: I don't talk about stuff like that I mean-, [giggles]

Pranker: OK! I-, I-, I-

Lady: When we-

Pranker: on the telephone!

Lady: WHEN WE MEET, or will, we could-, we could meet and, talk as a friend.

Pranker: LOOK, I-, I-, I cannot-, I cannot see, TOO MUCH from you, do you have like uh-, I don't want to have who has MOSQUITO-

Pranker: BITE BREAST, do you have like, a nice MANGOS?

Lady: I'm decent.

Pranker: Ho-, ho-, well-, ho-, HOW BIG ARE THE MANGOS?

Lady: I don't talk about all that stuff on the phone-

Pranker: DON'T-, DON'T-, DON'T-

Lady: I mean you could be the cops!

Pranker: Don't-, I-, I am-, I am only asking, about the MANGOS! I don't want asking you about-

Lady: I understand! But you could be the cops! And I ain't talking about stuff like that.

Pranker: HOW BIG IS YOUR G-, GUAVA?

Lady: What's that?

Pranker: OKAY NEVERMIND. TOO EXOTIC! How big is your, uh-, your apple?

Lady: My what?

Pranker: APPLE ON YOUR CHEST.

Lady: AN APPLE?

Pranker: ARE YOU STUPID? HOW BIG IS YOUR TIT!

Lady: You said ONE OF THEM! Uh-, I don't-, it's a 30c.

Pranker: OKAY! Alright, alright, now-, now-

Lady: [Giggles]

Pranker: Now we're GETTING SOMEWHERE I like-, I LIKE THAT! Okay, I don't-, if you had told me-

Pranker: you were A, B, FARK THAT CRAP.

Lady: Uh, okay-

Pranker: YEAH. OK! Alright, and uh, what-, what is your availability LIKE?

Lady: What's good for you? Mornings? Afternoons?

Pranker: The-, the-, the morning is GOOD. Uh-, how-, how-, how old are you? One more-, I don't think you told.

Lady: I'm 31.

Pranker: Thirty one? OKAY! OH! Uh, I am so, happy-, in-, in the PICTURE YOU LOOK LIKE 40, 45 OR SOMETHING, [sigh]

Lady: I DO NOT LOOK THAT OLD!

Pranker: OH-, COME ON! You look at-, the-, you have a wrinkle on the FOREHEAD, you have the BAG under the EYES-, you have uh-

Lady: [Giggles]

Pranker: I'm sorry I-, I-, I will-

Lady: WELL THANKS..

Pranker: I am very uh-, how you say?

Lady: I have three kids. [Giggles]

Pranker: I'm a very-, I'm a very, STRAIGHT FORWARD and the BLUNT.

Lady: Yes, well I have three kids, so, [giggles]

Pranker: Oh, okay! BUT YOU DO!

Lady: I'M A MOM, I'm stressed out!

Pranker: It's-, IT'S OKAY! You know I thought that, you know eh-, somebody who has 3 KID WOULD HAVE A BIG MANGOS, but you only have-

Pranker: uh-, the C RIGHT?

Lady: Yeah. Yeah.

Pranker: Okay, and uh-, will if-, if-, I ask for like REQUEST, can you put, the-, the TISSUE PAPER INSIDE YOUR UH-, YOUR UH-, MANGO HOLDER?

Lady: I AIN'T talking about all this-

Pranker: Le-, LOOK! I-, I-, I AM VERY SPECIFIC! OK!

Lady: Calm down-

Pranker: I-, I will pay you the MONEY! But I am very PARTICULAR about, WHAT I WANT-

Lady: Okay well! You can talk to me, when we-, when I come over!

Pranker: I-, I know, but I like, I want to, CLEAR, THE AIR! You know, getting, have understanding, I'm not going to ask you anything-

Lady: Right.

Pranker: Uh-, TOO TOO MUCH, okay? I just talk about the MANGOS. I'm talking about "FRUIT", YOU KNOW? HA!

Lady: HEY LISTEN.

Pranker: YES?

Lady: I'M MARRIED. I'M MARRIED, MY HUSBAND'S HOME, I CAN'T TALK...

Pranker: OH, OKAY.

Lady: I have to go soon, [giggles]

Pranker: Oh, okay see, now-, now I-, NOW I UNDERSTAND this okay? OK LOOK, I will-, OK LOOK-, I will call you back TOMORROW. When ARE YOU FREE?

Lady: TOMMOROW or the husband-, the husband, BE GONE?

Pranker: I work, uh-, till ten in the morning.

Pranker: Okay, when will be a GOOD TIME to call you when you have some, uh-, PRIVACY?

Lady: I guess 10.

Pranker: 10 tomorrow?

Lady: I'll be driving home.

Pranker: OK, alright, I will try to do that for you!

Lady: Alright, thank you.

Pranker: Alright. Gi-, gi-, GIVE ME THE KISS!

Lady: OH GOD, stop it!

Pranker: Alright-

Lady: ALRIGHT- [kiss sound]

Pranker: remember I told you, I am a SILLY GOOSE! [Laughs]

Lady: BYE!

Pranker: ALRIGHT. [Hang up] [Laughing] [Speaking to audience] I guess I'll call her back tomorrow.

[Phone ringing]

Lady: Hello!

Pranker: HEY, what's up? How are you? Is-, is the COAST CLEAR NOW? Is uh-, can you-, can you-

Lady: [Laughing] Yeah it's fine.

Pranker: Ca-, ca-, can you-, can you speak FREELY? Or uh-, is your uh-

Lady: YEAH! Yeah!

Pranker: Ok, EXCELLENT! Uh-, what-, what is your name again? I don't believe, uh-, we exchange name, MY NAME'S ABDO.

Lady: What's your name?

Pranker: My name is ABDO, A-, B-, D-, O, what is your name?

Lady: I'm Shellie.

Pranker: SHELLY. Ok Shelly-

Lady: Mhm.

Pranker: uh-, oh yeah-, so I want to know, uh-, so you said you can uh-, you can do uh-, THE CLEANING IN THE BIKING, right?

Lady: Yeah.

Pranker: Okay, uh-, uh-, am I-, am I the first one to ask you this kind of A THING? Or is this a NORMAL, beacuse I'm not-

Pranker: from this country, really, so I don't know, the-, the-

Lady: Is it what?

Pranker: STANDARD, of uh-, of BIKINI WEARING, and what these people DO!

Lady: [Giggles] Nothing, I'll just wear a Bikini and clean. [Giggles]

Pranker: OK, I will make us like a BREAKFAST, maybe have a FALAFEL SANDWICH and then uh-, I-, if you can I would like uh-

Pranker: if we could have like a CLEANING ACTIVITY together, we will make a mess and then I will WATCH YOU do the CLEANING, what do you think?

Lady: No. I guess? [Giggles] It's different! [Giggles]

Pranker: OK. I-, I know it, it is DIFFERENT! But you know, if the price-, if the price RIGHT, I hope you will DO IT, right?

Lady: Yes!

Pranker: I-, I-, and then maybe if you want to do like, uh-, JUMPING JACKS, so I can see your MANGOS DO THE-, THE DANCING-

Pranker: LIKE A BIBBITY BOUNCE AS TYRONE WOULD SAY!

Lady: Okay? [Giggles]

Pranker: Alright.

Lady: How old are you?

Pranker: I am thir-, I AM 39, how old are you? You're uh-

Lady: You're thirty nine, you sound older! What's your nationality?

Pranker: Uh-, I'm-, I am from THE MIDDLE EAST.

Lady: So, like, ARABIC?

Pranker: Uh-, I-, ARABIC, yes.

Lady: Oh, okay.

Pranker: It's oh-, uh but-, you know uh, I-, I-, uh-, so after, we have like, uh, the-, the-, FALAFEL SANDWICH! I can make you-

Pranker: nice little cup of uh-, TURKISH coffee? Uh, maybe it can help with the-, the DIGESTION! It can make like a good DIURETIC.

Pranker: And then uh-, we can uh-, if you can MAYBE MAKE A BIG CRAP on the FLOOR for me, like a BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM it the bathroom-

Pranker: and then I watch you CLEAN IT. Hello? Hello? Can I have one smoochie smoochie, please?

Pranker: I CAN HEAR YOU BREATHING! Come on, just give me ONE, QUICK ONE like a QUICK, uh-, a BECK!

Lady: [Hang up]

Pranker: [Laughing] [Speaking to audience] She hung up!