Incredibly Awkward Sexy Asian Massage Prank Call

Best quotes: 

• “YOU MIGHT BE THE PING-PONG ASS SHOOTING ALL-STAR, you know?”
• “How big is your TOOTSIE ROLL DOWNSTAIRS?”
• “You sound like you doing CALCULATIONS or something! CARRY THE 2 CROSS THE 1, WHAT THE FARK?”

Body of content:

This is one of the rare occasions where someone gets just as much of a laugh out of the prank as I did while it was happening! I put up an ad on Craigslist in Australia pretending to be a young woman who was offering free sensual massages. When someone responded to the ad, I called him and let him in on a secret - Au Nage (Buk Lau) was looking for a guy to dominate in the bedroom!

The whole scenario had the guy cracking up, he even insisted I should take up being a comedian. I had to break the prank to him in the end so he could know he was right all along! Should I try to do another massage prank call to see how others react? Let me know what you thought of this call in the comments below!

 

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Transcript

[film rolls]

Pranker [speaking to audience]: My buddies and I posted an ad in Australia as Buk Lau or Au Nage-

Pranker: to trick some guys into responding for a free sensual massage. Here's what happened when I called one of them.

[phone ringing]

Guy: Hello?

Pranker [speaking as Buk Lau]: HEY MOTHERFARKA! It's me.

Guy: What?

Pranker: Hello, it's Au Nage!

Guy: I don't know Onaghi?

Pranker: I am the SEXY ASIAN LADY, you email me! REMEMBER?

Guy: OH! Okay.

Pranker: Right, right, right.

Guy: Ehm, how's it going?

Pranker: I'm great! How are you doing motherfarka?

Guy: [giggles] Oh ho great, great, fantastic, great!

Pranker: GREAT BUT, remember we talk about in the email that I- I want to try something new finally.

Pranker: You know, my- my husband he's very, very, VERY MEAN TO ME VERY, VERY, VERY ROUGH, VERY NOT NICE!

Pranker: And I want to try to be THE DOMINANT LADY! I want to be dominant! And I want to ABUSE YOU!

Guy: Huh, OK!

Pranker: The yeah!

Guy: No, I'm not into that!

Pranker: But why not?

Guy: That's just not my thing. I'm not into S&M.

Pranker: Okay, but- can it- can we at least talk about SOME POTENTIAL SCENARIO! But, maybe you can say YES OR NO?

Guy: Yeah, yeah, yeah that's fine!

Pranker: Basically I was, I was hoping that we- my favorite sport is the TABLE TENNIS, okay? I was hoping-

Pranker: that maybe we can do something with a PING-PONG PADDLE! The PING-PONG BALLS! And the-

Guy: [giggles]

Pranker: WHAT?

Guy: Playing ping-pong yeah! Fantastic!

Pranker: Yeah so, I want to know, maybe we- maybe I can have you BEND OVER right on the BED, and then I stick a-

Pranker: 1 PING-PONG BALL in your butthole, right? And then you can show to me how far you SHOOT IT!

Guy: Yeah okay, you're funny-

Pranker: What do you think?

Guy: No.

Pranker: Is- IT'S NOT FUNNY!

Guy: I don't want to do that.

Pranker: Ok! LOOK. I try to-

Guy: [giggles]

Pranker: I try to try something new, you know?

Guy: [giggles]

Pranker: YOU HAVE TO BE THE OPEN MINDED, you never know! YOU MIGHT BE THE PING-PONG ASS SHOOTING ALL-STAR, you know?

Guy: I could be! I could be! Are you uhm, eh are you FULL GIRL?

Pranker: AM I WHAT?

Guy: Are you- are you- ar- are you a full girl? Eh, do you have a vagina?

Pranker: I WHAT? I DO! Did you- do you think I DON'T HAVE IT?

Guy: Well yeah, sometimes you never know, you know there's- there's been uh- uh you know you- you look full girl!

Guy: But sometimes you just can't tell, you know, in the picture!

Pranker: Duh yeah, you know, I- you see my picture! Right, I have a very BEAUTIFUL BODY, you know? MOTHERFARKA!

Guy: Yes, yes, yes.

Pranker: I want to, BEND YOU OVER, put a STRAP-ON, AND FARK YOU IN THE ASS!

Guy: No, I don't wanna do that!

Pranker: It's a small one! You know, it's only like, like a 4 INCHES, you know?

Guy: [laughing]

Pranker: WHAT?

Guy: [laughing]

Pranker: Eh, is not- it won't- it won't hurting- it will be like, it- it- it will feel like you TAKING A CRAP-

Pranker: or something! Don't worry!

Guy: [laughing] Ah, you're funny! Ahh-

Pranker: Okay, [lip smack] DO WITH ME!

Guy: Yeah.

Pranker: M- may- maybe it's not even A STRAP-ON, you know?

Guy: [laughing] Uh-

Pranker: How big is your TOOTSIE ROLL DOWNSTAIRS?

Guy: Ah, just uhm, my uh, probably uh-

Pranker: WHAT ARE YOU THINK CALCULATION OR SOMETHING?

Guy: No, no, no.

Pranker: You sound like you doing CALCULATIONS or something! CARRY THE 2 CROSS THE 1, WHAT THE FARK? Do you have a-

Guy: I don't know if I'm-

Pranker: DO YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?

Guy: ready for that! Uhm, uhm, yeah I do.

Pranker: Okay, but you not married or anything like that, right?

Guy: No.

Pranker: Is she, is she the SEXY ONE like me, or? She like a FAT LADY or something? FAT CHUBBY MOTHERFARKA, you know?

Guy: [laughing] No, she's alright, yeah.

Pranker: OK! It's okay you don't want to be mean! You say she's alright, BASICALLY, you mean she's like 2.7 OUT OF TEN. Right? [giggles]

Guy: [laughing] Yeah, you could be a comedian you know!

Pranker: Why- why do you think that?

Guy: You ever done comedy?

Pranker: No, I don't, I don't do COMEDY! You know, I try to, I just try to do the EXPERIMENTATION! With the people! On the- I try to find somebody-

Pranker: who want to be the RIGHT ONE FOR ME! You know?

Guy: Yeah, yeah, eh, you're great, you're so funny!

Pranker: Well- THANK YOU! You ar- I make you laugh LIKE A SO MUCH!

Guy: [laughing] You're great! You're a really funny lady! You know that?

Pranker: Oh, thank you! Like a so much! You know if I was there, I would give you a KISS! THEN BEND YOU OVER AND FARK YOU FROM THE BACK.

Guy: [laughing] You could take this on the road! [laughing]

Pranker: Gen- but- but very- VERY GENTLY! You know it's your FIRST TIME! So at first I get the OIL, or something, I GET THE CANDLE!

Pranker: Get the SEXY MUSIC, have the- have the you know, R&B playing! Maybe R KELLY in the background! [singing] I FARK YOU RIGHT I WILL! I FARK YOU, RIGHT I WILL! You know the song?

Guy: You- got to get in the right mood don't you? [laughing]

Pranker: RIGHT. EXCELLENT! Yeah.

Guy: [laughing]

Pranker: So okay-

Guy: Uhm, when were you thinking of uhm, of uhm of, getting together?

Pranker: I think maybe like- maybe we can DO the this we- you want to do this weekend?

Guy: Ah weekends no good.

Pranker: Yeah I- I- I work on the weekday! Usually but, at night, I FREE! But what time at night are you usually available?

Guy: Uh, you know like- after work hours and- sort of after five.

Pranker: OKAY. OKAY. And- do you think eh- do you know some people they like to- they like the- the humiliation, they like to be-

Pranker: LAUGH AT, do you think maybe you can sit on a BARSTOOL, and I can laugh at your small TOOTSIE ROLL, for a little bit before we start?

Guy: [laughing] NO! [laughing]

Pranker: I want to, I want to look at it, and point and go [laughing] SO SMALL! You know!

Guy: No? [laughing]

Pranker: Okay, IS OKAY! You know, it's okay! I don't want to make you LIKE A TOO SELF CONSCIOUS! You know?

Guy: [laughing] Eh, I mean I've been building up on my ego for the last uh, 40 years you know, I just uh, it's taken a long time.

Pranker [speaking as Tyrone]: Yeah, I ain't trying to hurt your FEELING OR NOTHING DAWG, you know I'm saying?

Guy: [laughing]

Pranker [speaking as Buk Lau]: Yeah, you know I don't want to make you CRY or something!

Guy: [laughing] Ah, you're so funny! Was that you, the second voice?

Pranker: What- what the?

Guy: Was that you or someone else?

Pranker: WHAT DO YOU THINK?

Guy: Heh, I don't know, [laughing]

Pranker: You know sometime! You know s- what I do sometime what I do, I- I try to- I try to TUG ON MY BALLSACK!

Pranker: and then it become like a BLACK GUY, you know?

Guy: [laughing] Oh, this is great!

Pranker: Okay look-

Guy: You're really funny!

Pranker: LOOK! LOOK! EHH, [clears throat] [speaking as Tyrone]: YO DAWG! [speaking as Buk Lau]: OH, WHAT THE HECK HAPPEN?

Guy: [laughing] You know what? I- I've got a friend that would love you so much. [laughing]

Pranker: REALLY? Who is your friend?

Guy: Eh he, would think that you're the BEE'S KNEES!

Pranker: Well, I thank you! VERY MUCH! You know, you want me to CALL HIM, we can do THREE WAY, you know?

Guy: [laughing]

Pranker: Give me his phone number, I CALL HIM RIGHT NOW.

Guy: Yeah why not, why not. Can be a big party.

Pranker [speaking as Tyrone]: Wait- CAN I COME TOO, er wh- WHAT'S POPPING? [speaking as Buk Lau]: WHAT?

Guy: Yeah!

Pranker: Oh okay! Duh yes!

Guy: [laughing]

Pranker: What- what is your- what is your name again SORRY?

Guy: Simon!

Pranker: Oh okay, PSYMON! Okay Psymon! EXCELLENT. I like that, PSYMON.

Pranker [speaking as unknown character]: I WANT TO COME TO MY BROTHER!

Guy: [laughing] IT'S A PARTY!

Pranker [speaking as Buk Lau]: Okay, EXCELLENT! EXCELLENT!

Guy: Okay well I- I've got to start getting on with the day now.

Pranker [speaking as Russell]: Alright, hey- hey- hey Simon! How's it going? This- my name is Russell.

Pranker: Uhm, wha- this is actually just a little uh, A LITTLE PRANK we were pulling, how are you doing today? [laughing]

Guy: [laughing] I hope I'm not on the radio! [laughing]

Pranker: Dude, you were- you were an absolutely incredible sport! That was so funny, I'm glad you got a kick out of that!

Guy: [laughing] You guys are so funny! [laughing]

Pranker: [laughing] Thanks man, I appreciate that! Were- wer- I actually do like a bunch stuff of uh, like pranks and stuff-

Pranker: on YouTube, and I was wondering if I could possibly give you A URL, you were asking me if I did some comedy stuff-

Pranker: and the truth is yeah, I do so, uhm, if you'd like, you could check out the stuff yourself!

Pranker: I don't know if you're interested or not.

Guy: Yeah, I'd love that! I'd love that yeah! Eh, this is great!

Pranker: Yeah.

Guy: Well uhm yes, that- that's fine yeah, you can uhm, you're probably gonna ask my permission whether you can put it on YouTube, oh that's fine!

Guy: That's completely fine man, that's fine.

Pranker: Alright awesome dude, YOU'RE THE MAN! Uhm but yeah! The uh- the YouTu- The YouTube URL is, YOUTUBE.COM/OwnagePranks

Guy: P-R-A-N-K-S? Yes?

Pranker: That's correct yeah, the particular character, you just heard right now, the name is BUK-LAU! It's an Asian like, FEMALE-MALE HYBRID!

Pranker: Kind of just rolling with whatever people assume it is! Uhm but yeah, you could check out, those videos on the channel there-

Pranker: and see if you maybe get a kick out of it.

Guy: [laughing] That's great! Yeah well done!

Pranker: Alright, anyways the- thanks a lot for your time man! Really thank you for being a good sport about it, and being cool with it afterwards.

Guy: Okay thanks, see you!

Pranker: Alright man, take care! BYE, BYE.

Guy: [giggles]

Pranker: He is laughing as the phone call is hanging up, that was awesome. [laughing]