Kinky Break-in Leads To A Nasty Mattress - Prank Call!

Best quotes: 

• “We kind of had a nap on the bed, eh- I guess an adult nap if you will…”
• “But you have to remember right? Someone farked on it right?”
• “We don't give you- you- you-robbed-us-and-then-you-felt-bad-about-it discount, we don't do that.”
• “If you kind of go around and kind of eh...smell like the bottom right quadrant, one of them might smell like a sexy you know?”
• “But who else is gonna buy that, you know? Somebody put all their man-juice on it you know?”

Body of content:

Buk Lau prank calls a mattress salesman to confess that he broke into his store. He ran off with some bedspreads, but left behind a very special present on one of the mattress floor models. The mattress salesman wasn’t pleased with Buk’s attempt at an apology! What would you do if you were working in this store? Do you think they checked out the mattresses afterwards? Tell me your thoughts in the comments below!

 

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Transcript

[phone ringing]

Guy: [censored] Mattress, how can I help you?

Pranker [speaking as Buk Lau]: Eh, yeah, h-hey man I kind of have something weird to talk about. Do you happen to have just a minute or two to get- to hear me out?

Guy: Oh! Okay... Yeah, sure.

Pranker: I guess, to cut to the chase, I kind of broke in the store there a little while ago and... T-took a couple things.

Guy: You broke in to our store?

Pranker: Yeah, it- it happened when I was drunk.

Guy: How'd you break into our store?

Pranker: You know I- honestly it was after dinner one day, I had some sake with my wife, we just got married...

Pranker: ... I was feeling a little loose and-

Guy: What'd you- what'd you do?!

Pranker: Eh, you know we- we took a couple uh- be- bedspreads and then... [stuttering] that's mostly it.

Pranker: [stuttering] That's all I'm really comfortable talking about.

Guy: So you broke into our store- how- how'd you do that?!

Pranker: Yeah, but duh- the door wasn't f- closed all the way and-

Guy: Did you take a bed?

Pranker: I didn't take a bed but uh-

Guy: Did you take some money?

Pranker: No, no, no, no, we'd- we kind of had a nap on the bed, eh- I guess an adult nap if you will...

Guy: On which bed?

Pranker: Eh- It was a while ago honestly! It was twin sized bed you know? We're small people so it- we didn't do it on a big one, but-

Guy: Okay, well uhm, thanks for letting us know, if-

Pranker: Yeah- have you-

Guy: ... you ever feel a lot better, you could send us some- some money for the items you stole?

Pranker: Can we come there maybe and buy that one? You still have the same beds in there?

Guy: We- we'll sell it to you! We'll sell it to you if you want.

Pranker: Have- have you guys washed it yet?

Guy: I don't know what bed you're talking about!

Pranker: It's the twin sized one kind of in the back. It was like a- it's a very firm.

Guy: I have no idea.

Pranker: Okay, but just curious, what kind of the- I can show you which one, but what- any chance you can give me like a per- percentage discount on it?

Guy: Uhm, well we're not gonna give you a discount for breaking into our store.

Pranker: But you have to remember right? Someone farked on it right?

Guy: Yeah- we- we don't give you- you- you-robbed-us-and-then-you-felt-bad-about-it discount, we don't do that.

Pranker: But- but it's not- it's not clean, you know? It's dirty, somebody busted a nut on it right?

Guy: Well I don't even know what bed you're talking about, but I'm definitely not gonna give you a discount, 'cause you broke into our store.

Pranker: Honestly, I know it sounds kind of weird but if- I don't know how many twin beds you have on the floor right now? But if you kind of go around and kind of eh...

Pranker: ... smell like the bottom right quadrant, one of them might smell like a sexy you know?

Guy: Well thank you for letting us know? We're not giving you a discount on anything.

Pranker: I know but- but- but-

Guy: We'll throw the bed away before we give you dis-

Pranker: NO! But who else is gonna buy that, you know? Somebody put all their man-juice on it you know?

[phone call ends]

Pranker: [laughing]