Old Lady Prank Call - Your Dogs Are WAY Too Loud!

Best quotes: 

• “Okay, I'm not mistakey, you're mistakey!”
• “Got you! Do you want me to go ahead and send a message to Craig and I can try to reach out I guess. It's his list right?”
• “Uh, yeah hello. This is Craig, calling from Craigslist.”
• “It- it you know like one of them Turkey-ish, Iraqi-ish or something like that uh…”

Body of content:

One of my viewers informed me that his grandma has a ton of dogs - over 15 of them living on her property! She often gets random complaints from neighbours due to all the barking. I prank called her as an interracial couple that recently moved in next door. She apparently can’t stand interracial couples and got frustrated so quickly!

Things escalated and I even roped “Craig from Craigslist” into this hilarious call. Want to hear more feisty old lady prank calls? Who should Chris and Tyrone call next time? Let me know in the comments below.

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Transcript

Pranker [speaking to audience]: This guy's grandma has a ton of dogs, over 15 of them living on her property.

Pranker: She often gets random complaints from neighbours due to all the barking. I'm calling her as an interracial couple that recently moved in next door.

Pranker: And we haven't been able to get much sleep lately because of all those dogs. Oh yeah, one more thing, she really hates interracial couples.

[phone ringing]

Grandma: Hello?

Pranker [speaking as Chris]: Uh, yeah hi can I speak with Julie?

Grandma: Uh, she's not in, can I take a message?

Pranker: Well my name is Chris, I actually live right nearby. I was just calling regarding just... I wanted to kind of get some on a whole dog situation.

Pranker: Me and my husband have just been struggling to fall asleep at night and then I- I just kind of want to see if she will be there to chat.

Grandma: What about?

Pranker: Well there are just so many dogs, and you know, when we try to come move in here temporarily just for some peace and quiet you know, with that we will be away from like the city life...

Pranker: We are from New York and there are just so many dogs, just dogs everywhere.

Grandma: Well yeah, there's lots of dogs, yes there is lots of dogs.

Pranker: Yeah but they are just so loud-

Grandma: They always have been, well yes- yeah, yeah... They are loud dogs.

Pranker: What can we do to convince Julie to put like a muzzle on those bad boys or something cause they are just so loud. This is the right number for Julie right? When- when can I talk to Julie?

Grandma: Well... Uh... Yeah, this is right number of Julie and I know she is not gonna put no muzzle on her dogs 'cause her dogs are not loud.

Pranker: Well, are you sure you are not Julie? 'Cause you kind a sound Julie like to me.

Grandma: Well yeah, this is Julie, but she is not gonna put no muzzle on her dogs 'cause her dogs are not loud. They're inside dogs.

Pranker: Wait but you're confusing me now, you're speaking in the third person but saying- Are you Julie or not?

Grandma: Okay, this is Julie but her dogs- my dogs are inside. I have inside dogs, I don't have outside dogs.

Grandma: I have inside dogs.

Pranker: [stuttering] But- but Julie wh- why did you lie to me in the first place? I just wanted to talk to you.

Grandma: Because I just don't talk to anybody. I- I'm not understanding you saying my dogs are loud.

Pranker: [stuttering] I struggle sleeping at night, I hear them through the walls, like I just... It is harming, me and- my husband has to get up early for work.

Grandma: Where do you live? Where do you live?

Pranker: Just right down from you! But they're so loud! Like-

Grandma: Where abouts do you live dear?

Pranker: Uh, okay look, I- I- I- like I said, I'm staying next-

Grandma: WHERE DO YOU LIVE?

Pranker: [stuttering]

Grandma: WHERE DO YOU LIVE?

Pranker: I'm- I'm literally on [censored], I'm next door, you're on 6 [censored], right?

Grandma: Yeah, can you a [censored], you are not hearing my dogs, 'cause my dogs are inside.

Grandma: And they do not bark at night, unless there's somebody coming to my door. You have no reason to hear my dogs barking.

Grandma: I think you are mistakey.

Pranker: Okay, I'm not mistakey, you're mistakey! [phone call ends]

Pranker: Hello? Hello? Julie?

Pranker [speaking to audience]: God, that was so funny dude, that was so hilarious. Gotta call her back.

[phone ringing]

Grandma: Hello?

Pranker [speaking as Tyrone]: Hey Julie, it's Tyrone calling. Uh, m-my husband called you a moment ago. I just want to s-

Grandma: Your husband? What in the heck is the deal about your husband?

Pranker: Yeah, yeah, yeah, so my husband called you and he told you about how he dogs make so much noise, we having trouble sleeping at night.

Pranker: So I just want to see-

Grandma: I want to tell you something.

Pranker: Yeah, go ahead.

Grandma: This is my house, this is my property, if you got a problem with this you bring the law out, or I will bring the law to you!

Pranker: [stuttering] All I'm saying is-

Grandma: I SUGGEST-

Pranker: ... my husband wanted to give him a sedative like next time like give him a doggie treat with some Xanax in it, something like that.

Pranker: He was joking around about that.

Grandma: YOU CANNOT TELL ME WHAT TO DO WITH MY ANIMALS! YOU HEAR ME? IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS WHAT I GOT!

Grandma: YOU COME FROM NEW YORK, WHERE EVER YOU COME FROM, YOU DON'T COME HERE TO [censored] TELL ME WHAT TO DO! YOU HEAR ME?

Grandma: MY DOGS? YOU BETTER- YOU BETTER MAKE SURE WHOSE DOGS YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!

Pranker: You have like, more than 10 dogs right? Like there's so many dogs, we see so many different dogs like, isn't like one or two enough?

Grandma: THEY ARE NOT ALL MY DOGS THAT'S RUNNING AROUND HERE, YOU BETTER FIND OUT YOUR FACTS DEAR, BECAUSE I'M FIXING TO GET A LAWWWWYER AND HAVE YOU FOR SLANDERING!

Pranker: Wow, wow...

Pranker: Wow...

Grandma: BECAUSE YOU BETTER FIND OUT YOUR FACTS MY DEAR, ALL MY DOGS I HAVE IS NONE OF YOUR FARKIN’ BUSINESS!

Grandma: THEY ALL HAVE SHOTS, THEY ALL HAVE TAGS, IT'S NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS YOUNG MAN!

Pranker: [stuttering] you keep extending- you keep extending all these words and stuff like that like "LAWYER"-

Grandma: You hear me?

Grandma: YOU NEED TO MIND YOUR OWN DAMN BUSINESS, BECAUSE WHAT I HAVE IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS, I BEEN HERE A LOT DAMN LONGER THAN YOU, IT'S NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS OF WHAT I HAVE!

Prnaker: [sigh] but can't you just be a good neighbour, like why you got to be so rude and stuff like that? [phone call ends]

Pranker: H-h-hello?

Pranker [speaking to audience]: Oh my god, she's gone... This lady is amazing!

[phone ringing]

Grandma: Hello?

Pranker [speaking as Russell]: Uh, yeah hi there, I was just calling regarding the ad you had up on Craigslist?

Grandma: What?

Pranker: Yeah, there is an ad on here on Craigslist for "The handfull of loving dogs available for adoption"?

Pranker: I was just calling in to see if I can maybe come swing by?

Grandma: Uh, somebody has got it in for me and I do not have any dogs for adoption. Thank you.

Pranker: Oh, do you want me to tell you what is says, just so you can be ahead, 'cause I'm looking at it right now, it says...

Pranker: ..." I'm a home owner that loves dogs but unfortunately have a bit too many to properly care for them myself, 12 dogs currently, I'm looking to offload about 6 of them."

Pranker: You didn't post that?

Grandma: No sir, I did not.

Pranker: Got you...

Grandma: [stuttering] I don't- I don' even have a Craigslist, I don't even do that.

Pranker: Really? That's strange, because it says "My neighbours had been complaining about a lot of noise and barking, so letting off some few"-

Grandma: But it is on Craigslist?

Pranker: [stuttering] It is, yeah. Are you at 6 [censored] road?

Grandma: I sure do appreciate that, because that is cyber bullying. I'm having somebody cyber bullying me.

Grandma: And I've got to, you know uh- It's a federal offense, so...

Pranker: Got you...

Grandma: ... and I've got somebody uh, you know investigating this. Uh, I really truly do appreciate you telling me this and...

Grandma: ... that's just more fuel for my fire. Thank you darling!

Pranker: Got you! Do you want me to go ahead and send a message to Craig and I can try to reach out I guess. It's his list right?

Grandma: I wish you would, because I have, I do not know about this stuff. [stuttering] There's somebody- they're cyber bulling me...

Grandma: ... but I really do appreciate you doing this for me please, because...

Pranker: No problem, I'm gonna go ahead and send a message to Craig. Maybe they will reach out to you or send you a letter or something...

Pranker: ... and call you about removing, I don't know usually how it works to get these things removed.

Grandma: I am gonna get to the bottom of this and I'm gonna talk to my special- my special detective on this right here that I need to call and talk to him and let him kn-know about this.

Pranker: You know I'm gonna go ahead and report this ad. I'm gonna reach out to Craig and see if maybe he can get in touch with you but...

Pranker: ... you know I- I'm sorry that happened.

Grandma: Thank you sir.

Pranker: Alright, you take care now. [phone call ends]

Pranker [speaking to audience]: It's gonna be so funny to have Rakesh call back.

Pranker [speaking as rakesh]: Yeah hello, it's Craig, yeah, I gotta message about uh your ad? Yeah, it's not you okay, let me see what I can do it. [laughing]

[phone ringing]

Grandma: Hello?

Pranker [speaking as Rakesh]: Uh, yeah hello. This is Craig, calling from Craigslist. I was just returning a requested call back uh...

Pranker: Did you send in an inquiry on our online form?

Grandma: No!

Pranker: Got you. Well it looks like there was an inquiry here saying that the requested removal for a couple advertisement due to some fraudulent entry?

Grandma: Yeah, take it off. Because I don't want it on there, I didn't put it on there.

Pranker: Got you, so what do you want me to take off exactly because there is a few advertisements here linking back to this telephone number...

Pranker: ... so I wanted to see which one you want?

Grandma: Take every damn bit of it off. I do not deal with Craigslist, I don't know how to deal with it and I want it all off.

Pranker: Uh, so I can go ahead and take care of that now, but just so you do know we do charge a fee for the expedited removal of advertisements...

Pranker: ... after they are propagated-

Grandma: How can you charge me a fee when I didn't put it on there?

Grandma: Now you're not gonna charge me a fee because I did not put it in there. It's fraud!

Grandma: It's cyberbullying, I did not put it on, how can you charge me for taking it off? Something I did not do.

Pranker: Yeah but... There was a payment for it and we had to r- re-route the majoog-

Grandma: Thank you!

Pranker: H- hello?

[phone ringing]

Grandma: Hello?

Pranker [speaking as Russell]: Uh, yeah hi, this is pet detective Russell Schwartz from the [censored] animal shelter. How you doing today ma'am?

Grandma: Alrighty.

Pranker: Uh, I got a submission here uh, and I have to kind of, follow up on this pending investigation about the complaint we received from a nearby household in your area.

Grandma: Well, what is- what are you talking about? You need to tell me what you're talking about.

Pranker: Absolutely... So, we got a complaint from a nearby household that stated that there were just some concerning conditions and- and animal mistreatment potentially going on...

Pranker: So we were just trying to come and take a quick peek and just kind of make sure everything's okay or see what's going on...

Grandma: No you need to tell me what kind of conditions you are talking about?

Pranker: We had an undercover detective stationed on your street uhm, and you know...

Pranker: ... apparently there were some reports that there was some pretty hard pulling on leashes and we had some neighbours complain saying that-

Grandma: NO- I THINK- I THINK YOU ARE FULL OF DOO DOO AND NO YOU CAN'T COME BY MY HOUSE, IF YOU WANT TO SEND A SHERIFF AND I THINK THIS IS SOME-

Grandma: Listen... if this is concern- There is NO! NO abuse going on in this house.

Pranker: Understood and I-

Grandma: Ah-

Pranker: ... just to let you know, you know what the individual was saying was that you know the premises is almost like, sometimes feels like a zoo, there are so many animals running around, you know doz-

Pranker: .... over a dozen dogs, is any of this...?

Grandma: [laughing] Baby, a- whatever the animals I have here- Okay, I don't have the most perfect yard in the world.

Pranker: Totally understand, it's just that we got you know, complaints from three different numbers and allegedly a neighbour down the road so...

Grandma: And you call back that number and it's- DISCONNECTED!

Pranker: Interesting.

Grandma: They have done all that stuff to me, one of them's a black guy, there's no such thing, one's woman and one of them is kind of a foreign sounding guy...

Pranker: What do you mean there's no such thing? 'Cause there's- there's an individual there's just no african Americans on your street typically?

Grandma: No. No!

Pranker: Uhm, you know I- I'm just trying to figure out 'cause there was an individual that called in, his name was Tyrone.

Pranker: And his husband Chris-

Grandma: Yes, that is him! And there is not a black man that lives, two blocks away from me, at ANY direction you want to go.

Pranker: Uhm, so- so you mentioned a lady and- and actually the complaint came from a uh- uh homos- a...

Pranker: ... a gay individual named Chris.

Grandma: Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes yes-

Pranker: Did you happen to speak to him- him and his husband by any chance?

Grandma: Yes, that Tyrone is what is- I think the wife part and the other one is the husband, I don't know which it is, but they are a gay couple-

Pranker: Wait so- so-

Grandma: ... gay couple- ye-

Pranker: They're both husbands though, so was there one acting as-

Grandma: Whatever you wanna call them what- whatever you wanna call them and stuff but yes, yes, yes.

Pranker: Got you... And I have to ask just because it is protocol, is there any chance you just didn't take their concerns seriously due to their sexual orientation?

Pranker: I know sometimes that and rub people the wrong way you know that-

Grandma: Sir, that tree you don't need to bark in.

Pranker: Okay, we're not barking up that tree. Uhm, you know and the foreign sounding individual you mentioned, who was that?

Pranker: I'm trying to take some notes here to see if these are the same suspects that have been calling in.

Grandma: It- it you know like one of them turkeyish, iraqi-ish or something like that uh...

Grandma: ... You know eh- I- this is one of them kind of uh- the way they speak to you-

Pranker: Is- there by any chance one of the dogs nearby you could just put close to he phone so we can potentially hear their breathing patterns to hear if they have any anxiety or any like odd uh...

Pranker: ... breathing patterns or a- and-

Grandma: You want me to wake them up? It's their nap time.

Pranker: Oh it's their nap- Oh wow-

Grandma: [stuttering] yeah- I can- [giggles]

Grandma: I have here- let me- here- here- here's my pomeranian and I'll she if she'll breathe for you.

Pranker: Okay, alright, perfect, it's unorthodox we do like to hear from the dogs themselves, when we're working on case like this but I do appreciate that.

Grandma: Can you talk to him?

Grandma: She's just backing up, I don't know if she'll say anything or she's just backing up.

Pranker: Any chance we can get some of them to speak, bark or something like that?

Grandma: Bark for me big boy.

Grandma: Willow bark for me? One of you? Bark up. Will you bark for me? Nope they're not gonna bark 'cause I want them to bark.

Pranker: If I was there I can show them my badge, maybe he'd talk. [laughing]

Grandma: [chuckles] [barking] Here- here you go. This one's gonna [stuttering]

Pranker: Here we go.

Grandma: Well the growling it stopped-

Pranker: Oh... [clucking] Like a case of blue balls, alrighty! Well I guess I'll go ahead and have to-

Grandma: [laughing]

Pranker: You know I appreciate all the closure here, what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna go ahead and circle back with my team, see if I can find out any more information about this...

Pranker: And hopefully give you a call just to kind of give you some closure.

Grandma: Thank you dear.

Pranker: Alright, take care now. Bye-bye.

Grandma: Bye-bye.

[phone ringing]

Pranker [speaking as Russell]: Hey there Julie, how you doing? This is Russell giving you a call back.

Grandma: Okay....

Pranker: Uh, you know, you asked me to follow up so I wanted to give you a, quick shout. I do have some good news, are you sitting down?

Grandma: Mhm?

Pranker: Excellent! Well I-I'm proud to say that this saga is indeed coming to a close, you know...

Pranker: ... we just wrapped up our internal investigation and found out that uh-

Pranker: ... These guys are actually renowned dog theives, uh- you know they've stolen over you know, 63 and a half puppies and full grown dogs in the past two years...

Pranker: Uhm, and I'm not sure what their motive was but you know, you shouldn't be getting anymore calls from there so I hope that’s great news for you.

Grandma: Yes?

Grandma: Yes it is, yes it is.

Pranker: Absolutely and-

Grandma: Real good deal-

Pranker: I'm in a police cruiser right now, they're actually in the back seat so uh- you know I-

Grandma: Oh! Thank goodness! Thank goodness, th- anybody deserves if they deserve it.

Pranker: Yeah absol- you guys are going away for a long time! You should've never messed with Julie, okay?

Pranker [speaking as Chris]: But it's not fair! Uh, we weren't even gonna do anything!

Pranker [speaking as Russell]: You know the law! Uh, hello ma'am sorry I- you know they're upset about this whole ordeal but you know we've been trying to figure out what's going on.

Pranker: Have you got anymore calls since the last time?

Grandma: No. Not, no- no I have not.

Pranker: Okay, alright, well that's honestly just really good news, 'cause honestly I was concerned about what's going on I really felt for you there it's just-

Grandma: Yes-

Pranker: It's- it was really heart-wrenching and I wanted to make sure that I can bring this all to a close and make it happy ending.

Pranker [speaking as Tyrone]: This is gonna be my third time in the pen, this is my third time inn the pen I can't go back!

Grandma: I sure do appreciate it young man!

Pranker: Why you gonna do that to me?

Grandma: Uh?

Pranker [speaking as Russell]: Sir, I'm on the phone, I need you to just relax!

Pranker: Sorry, you know he- he's- i-it's crazy! You know.

Grandma: Uh-

Pranker: But they're going away for a long time uh- so I just wanted to give you a heads up on that and like, let you know that you shouldn't be getting anymore calls about this uh- going forward.

Grandma: Thank you very much young man!

Pranker: Alright ma'am, well you take care now, hope you enjoy the rest of your day, okay?

Grandma: Thank you very much young man!

Pranker: Thank you, bye-bye!

Grandma: Bye-bye. [phone call ends]

Pranker [speaking to audience]: This sweet, sweet woman. I had to give this lady like a happy ending and like, let her sleep at night 'cause, I kind of felt bad... [laughing]