Tim Hortons' Burning Coffee Prank Call! Ownage Pranks

Best quotes: 

• “You're trying to do the bush around the beating.”
• “I like to sing but the song doesn't like me!”
• “If you play your cards right you might see my chicken shawarma downstairs.”

Body of content:

In this SCALDING HOT coffee prank call, I phoned up a Tim Hortons as my middle-eastern character Abdo to tell them their coffee burned his crotch! The lady on the phone was so fun to talk to and seemed oblivious to Abdo’s weird remarks. What other coffee places should Abdo call up? Let me know in the comments below!

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Transcript

[phone ringing]

Girl: [censored] Good afternoon.

Pranker [speaking as Abdo]: Uh, yes, hello! Can I speak with uh, mister Tim please?

Girl: Mr.Tim?

Pranker: Right.

Girl: Who's Mr.Tim?

Pranker: I, uh, I come uh, yesterday to buy uh, one coffee from mister uh, Mr.Horton.

Girl: Mister Horton?

Pranker: Right, right.

Girl: Tim Hortons' is the store name!

Pranker: Oh! [chuckles] Oh okay! My uh, my apology. My mistake. Okay...

Girl: No problem!

Pranker: So uh, I have problem with the coffee I buy it yesterday and I want to know what we can do about it.

Girl: What's the problem?

Pranker: Well I buy the coffee and uh, it is like uh, I don't know what kind of person would drink it like this? But i-it's like on fire! It's like the hell fire!

Pranker: It is burning! Extremely, extremely hot-

Girl: Okay, so you said, you buy coffee yesterday and it's like a burning taste?

Pranker: Uh, yes! It taste- Eh it was very very hot, right? And then it's- it's spill on my lap! And I get like a very bad burning, very bad swollen, very bad uh...

Pranker: Uh, the ballsack looks like a grapefruit.

Girl: So what do you want me to do sir?

Pranker: I want you to- I want you to figure out what you can do for me! For like uh, compensation of course.

Girl: How come- where did you spill your coffee sir?

Pranker: On my ballsack- my ballsack and uh, my junk. If yeah- you know what I mean.

Girl: Ah, yeah. Where! In particular? Where did you spill the coffee?

Pranker: Right on the weiner. If you want me to be specific.

Girl: Where?

Pranker: Uh, right on my uh, my hot dog. My uh, you know.

Girl: Yeah I know where! Are you at home already? Are you... Are you... In your car, in your vehicle?

Pranker: Yeah- yeah it- it- it ha- it happened in my car.

Girl: You spilling it in your car!

Pranker: Right, right.

Girl: What time did you buy your coffee?

Pranker: I buy it like, uh, around 11 o'clock a.m.

Girl: When?

Pranker: Yesterday!

Girl: So why you didn't call yesterday?

Pranker: Because I- I've been sitting down trying to figure out my uh, my shawarma looks like a big burned hot dog now.

Pranker: It looks like I'm taking a crap out of the front of my body so I am- I'm in very bad pain!

Girl: Okay- ah all I know when the cof- the coffee's handed to you and you spill it anywhere or any part of your body I-

Girl: I believe that's your responsibility-

Pranker: Yes I know but I think the person who hand it to me had like a bad mojo- what do they say it?

Pranker: Like has like a bad uh, like an evil eye or something like that! And it BOOM, right on my shawarma downstairs.

Girl: We all know that coffee's hot so you should take extra caution right?

Pranker: So are you- are you call- are you calling me like stupid or something or what?

Girl: No I didn't say that! That's your word not mine. Okay-

Pranker: But you're trying- you're trying to do the push around the beating and uh-

Girl: No!

Pranker: Okay, alright...

Girl: Can I just get your number and a name- your name and I- I'll ask uh the person to call yo- the person responsible to call you.

Pranker: Yes, yes and what- what is your name? So I know who I speak with?

Girl: I'm Brenda!

Pranker: Brenda, okay Brenda! Do you have like uh, multimedia messaging or cell telephone- or something?

Pranker: I can send you a picture... And you can show the boss.

Girl: Oh, ah this uh, yeah, so but I don't have means sir to receive your multimedia picture? Or message?

Girl: I think my manager has, has SMS if you really wanna show it!

Pranker: Okay- Are you from uh, the Philippines by the way?

Girl: Yeah sir-

Pranker: Oh, I like that you know the best people are from the Philippines. The best people.

Girl: [chuckles] Thank you! But sir, if uh, if you burn yourself did you take any first aid?

Pranker: Yes I take the aloe vera and I do like a beat off with it.

Girl: Are you from Egypt?

Pranker: I- I am from the middle east around that area, yes.

Girl: Oh, okay, so...

Pranker: Do you like- do you like the Egy- Egypt people?

Girl: Uh, yeah. Yeah...

Pranker: Okay... You ha- you hesitate I saw there you're like "he's disgusting man" I don't like that.

Girl: Hah?

Pranker: Nevermind... How about this, you know just so I can come to the store and see uh, and you know get this sorted...

Pranker: How about I will take you, we will go out uh- to do uh, karaoke singing together?

Girl: No, no, sir! [chuckles] I'm busy thank you!

Pranker: But I know you like the karaoke! You don't have to pretend with me I al-

Girl: Yeah, yeah, I- but I don't know how to sing! It's gonna rain if it is- if I'm gonna sing with you.

Pranker: No, no, you have- I can hear your voice you have like uh, the beautiful voice of like a-

Girl: No, no, no! [chuckles] No, no, no, is not- it's not- it's not beautiful. I like to sing but the song doesn't like me!

Pranker: No, no, it likes you a lot and if you play- if you play your cards right you might see my uh- chicken shawarma downstairs.

Girl: Oh, okay sir. Let me take care- let my manager take care of you.

Pranker: So when do you want to- do you have like a specific karaoke place you like it? Or what do you want to do it?

Girl: No, no, no! [chuckles] So are you still concerned with your burn or not?

Pranker: Yes, yes, very much so but I mean in the- I'm trying to get my mind off of it, and I think if I have a date with you I will forget all about it.

Girl: No, no, no, no, no! I'm married!

Pranker: Oh, okay. Okay but you don't want to have like a little snack on the side?

Girl: No, no, no, no, thanks!

Pranker: Okay... Alright well-

Girl: Okay- Are you a T-

Pranker: I have-

Girl: Are you a Ta-

Pranker: I have a few wives too, so if you want to do like a swinging or something I can give your husband some options.

Girl: NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, SIR! Give me you phone number! Because I need to serve somebody if you don't mind.

Pranker: No, no, swe- sweety honeypie uh, cupcake let- give me your phone number and I will-I will do for you-

Girl: No, no, this is my phone number [censored]

Pranker: No, I don't want to call Mr. Tim, I want to call Ms. Brenda.

Girl: NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!

Pranker: If I come back to get uh, one more coffee from Ms. Brenda, will you give the cup a kiss with lipstick to get me like a nice uh...

Girl: [chuckles] I don't think so. I'll give it with a smile, using a pen.

Pranker: Oh, I don't like- I want you to kiss it and say To: Abdo, Love: Brenda.

Girl: No, no... Okay, so I need- I need to send somebody for break so...

Pranker: Okay. Forget that guy you go on a break and then we can talk more.

Girl: Okay, thank you! Bye!

Pranker: H- Hello?

Girl: Hello?

Pranker: I am still here, don't hang.

Girl: So sir- but sorry I need to put down the phone because I have to take care of my other customers.

Pranker: Oh! You have customer there right now?

Girl: Yeah!

Pranker: Ohhh!

Girl: Okay, if you don't mind- Thank you!

Pranker: I see, oh... Okay, alright.

Girl: Okay?

Pranker: I will let you go but can I have one smoochie smoochie please?

Girl: What?

Pranker: Uh, can I have one like, kiss on the telephone? In my country we do kiss on the cheek-

Girl: No, no, no, no. Thank you, bye!

Pranker: Just one on the side! like a [kiss] a little one-

Girl: Sorry sir, I need to put down the phone. Thank you!

Pranker: A- a tin- ha- HELLO? [laughing] She didn't wanna do it!